Kate's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 6/7/07 -------------------- 4/30/07 4/18/07 4/9/07 4/2/07 3/27/07 3/13/07 1/30/07 1/15/07 12/10/06 11/20/06 11/10/06 10/30/06 10/12/06 10/5/06 9/22/06 9/15/06 9/8/06 8/29/06 8/17/06 8/10/06 8/4/06 7/28/06 7/21/06 7/16/06 7/6/06 6/27/06 6/21/06 6/16/06 6/13/06 6/8/06 -------------------- Kate's Introduction

Yes or No

August 17, 2006

Well I didn't intend to announce my big news and then bail.  It has been an especially busy week for me at work and I feel like every moment of this week has been scheduled with something.  So, first, I want to say thank you to all of you who posted on my board offering your encouragement and congratulations.  It was very heart warming.  As the reality of this pregnancy has had a chance to sink in over the past week I find myself with a very real sense of peace about it.  I feel pretty relaxed and much less scared and surprised than I did last week.  No doubt the next 8 ½ months will be filled with a roller coaster of emotions as we (God willing) prepare for a new addition to our family.  But right now I feel pretty content.

Because this diary will inevitably serve as a pregnancy journal as well I do want to record some things about how it's going so they don't get lost to the recesses of my memory.  I sort of kept a pregnancy journal for Ava, but it isn't very coherent and frankly the 'voice' it's written in makes it kind of a stilted read. 

According to babycenter I am going to be six weeks pregnant tomorrow.  It was at this point in my pregnancy with Ava that I began spotting and had a significant miscarriage scare, so I would be grateful to move through this period with less drama.  I am feeling....ok.  When I was pregnant with Ava my first trimester was one long food aversion.  The only things I would eat was Velveeta shells and cheese, peanut butter and jelly on wheat bread and apples.  Now I have kind of a low grade nausea that is nearly always with me, but I am still able to eat most things.  I am having some aversion to meat and am drawn to bread and pasta.  The nausea seems worse when I'm hungry or thirsty or immediately after I eat.  I am pretty burpy and my breasts are very sore.  I don't seem to be nearly as fatigued as I was in my first trimester with Ava, but my theory is that I simply don't have the time to be as self involved as I was the first time around!  I am feeling very bloated by the end of the day most days and some of my pants and skirts are difficult to wear by that point.  I am pinching my belly quite a bit reminding the little one to be well. 

John has dubbed the new babe 'Swab.'  In sailing lore, the 'swab' is the littlest one on the boat, the person who swabs the deck.  We used to occasionally call Ava 'swab' when she was going through her phase of relentlessly watching 'Captain Ron' but it never really stuck.  Since this babe is, no doubt, going to be the smallest person on our boat it seems fitting.  Our sweet Ava was 'Patito' during her babyhood and it has stuck to this day – even the kids at daycare call her Patito or 'Tito. 

We haven't told the kids about our news yet.  We told them about my pregnancy with Ava when I was about 10-11 weeks along – after the miscarriage scare and once we had definitely established a heartbeat via 3-4 ultrasounds.  This time they are older and they deserve to be among the very first to know, but I am just not ready to tell them yet.  To be honest, Meghan is having a pretty rough summer and we haven't seen much of Lane lately.  I'm feeling like it is just not the right time.  We've told my parents and our closest friends Jim and Sandra.  My hairstylist knows because I had my highlights retouched Monday and I wanted to be sure she was careful not to use any dye that would be damaging etc...  I would welcome any input on how/when to tell Ava.  They do talk at daycare about mommies who have babies in their tummies – a couple of the children in her class have mothers who are pregnant.  She is aware of it in the abstract.  She loved to look at pictures of me when I was pregnant with her, but I don't think a 3 year old has the ability to really wrap her mind around it.  I thought we would tell her when I began to show, thinking the tangible might help her understand a little bit better...

Last week I heard a story on NPR about aggressive marketing of goods and products to kids.  It was thought provoking for me as I contemplate how to raise Ava as she is bombarded by messages specifically tailored to make her want, want want...  I would like to say that John and I are pretty good at shielding her from the barrage of marketing, but I don't think that would be a true statement.  We have Tivo, so the only tv programs she watches are through there, allowing us to mostly skip the commercials.  But this weekend she told me the 'Barnyard movie' was now at the 'movie store' and we needed to go see it.  How would she know that if she hadn't seen it on tv?  I shudder to think what else gets through...  We also use her fondness for 'Dora' and all the ubiquitous Dora products to our advantage.  For example, her toothbrush and toothpaste -  'Dora the Explorer.'  It makes her eager and anxious to brush her teeth each morning and evening. I spent an hour or so this weekend sorting through her toys and if you exclude the handful of 'Dora' things (some figurines, a backpack and some books) there weren't any other 'branded' toys in her collection. It seems more and more than parenting is a constant struggle to find balance.  On this issue I suppose you take the 'good' where you can find it and try to block as much of the 'bad' as possible.  

Ava is full of little quirks and sayings and it seems I forget them faster than I can record them for posterity.  Right now she is insistently asking us questions, followed by 'yes or no.'  So she'll say "Its time to go outside, yes or no?"  Someone in her world must say that – a teacher or someone.  Because she is so darn insistent. 

Another thing I've noticed with Ava is that she is playing with her toys much more and in much more creative ways.  Her creative, imaginative mind has really made itself known in the past month or so.  She'll sit with her toys and dolls and weave long tales, acting out scenes using different voices.  She is so clever, I am really enjoying this.  We used to have to steer her to her toys and kind of stay with her as she played to keep her interested and engaged.  Now she can amuse herself for long periods of time building things with her legos or fussing over her dolls.  Sunday night we had dinner with a group of folks and Ava played for an hour and a half with Sophia and Olivia.  It was like watching them speak their own language as they weaved vivid tales, built towers with their legos, raced their cars and tended to their dollies.  Sophia is a little over a year younger than the older two, so she wasn't able to engage for as long, but when Ava and Olivia were saying good bye for the evening they started kind of barking at each other like happy little seals and it was perfectly clear they knew what they were saying to each other.  Amazing lives these kiddos of ours weave for themselves.

Last night I was watching a Tivo'ed Oprah re-run discussing the effect mothers have on the self esteem of their girls.  I am a big Oprah fan (yeah, me and everyone else!) but I can honestly say I'm not sure I've had a show touch me like that.  I sat at the end of it feeling choked up (hormones?) by the awesome responsibility I have to my girl.  The expert on the show talked about the wounds of our lives being passed through the womb to our children and that we unconsciously (or sometimes consciously) try to heal ourselves through our children.  I know when I am praising Ava I try to focus on all her good qualities, not just her obvious beauty. J  I'll say things like 'you're awesome' or 'you're so clever.'  I'm just so proud to be her mother, she has such an amazing disposition, she's so kind, polite, funny, smart and, yes, beautiful, that I am heartsick at the inevitability of her self-doubt and want to do all I can to ease that for her.  The show gave me a lot to think about it and I put it into our 'do not delete' category. 

We are off tomorrow for a long weekend in Minneapolis – John is taking the older kids to a Twins game and I am going to see a college girlfriend....  We're staying with John's brother and sister in law, who are delightful to be around.  They have two young boys and are pregnant with their 3 ^rd, so it will be fun for Ava to have playmates for the weekend and nice to get out of town, even if it is only for a couple of days.  We're going to do our very best to keep our big news to ourselves, but frankly I think it will be sort of difficult!

Have a safe weekend, thanks for reading—

--Kate