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Just us girls

July 28, 2006

Yesterday I got to experience one of my favorite parts of summer in the mid-west - my first tomato from the plants in my garden.  It was divine; still warm from the sun, juicy and so unbelievably fresh.  I love tomatoes, but am becoming increasingly irritated by the hard, tasteless tomatoes that bear a close resemblance to apples in taste and texture sold in grocery stores most of the year.  I've probably got 45 days of delicious tomatoes in front of me and my goal is to be so sick of eating them that it will carry me through the long winter months of crappy produce to come. 

John took off early Tuesday morning for his week long sailing trip.  Ava has been the most delightful child since he left.  She certainly misses her daddy and I'm not saying that the fact that he's gone is making her behavior better or anything...  but last night I was tucking her into bed and I said 'Ava, thank you so much for being such a good girl for momma today.'  Her response; 'I use my nice words, not my crying words, not my whining words because we are nice to our family.'  Well I'm glad to see that sunk in – it was so very sweet.  Navigating life without my partner these past few days has been challenging, but not insurmountable.  I miss John, but I am so glad he is off enjoying something he loves to do.  I don't mind a little special time with Ava, I don't mind rattling around the house after she goes to bed and it is nice to be in total control of the remote control.  I write all that, but I feel his absence in many ways that aren't 'logistical.'  I miss my partner, seeing his face, his physical presence and our on going conversation about our lives together.  I will be happy to see John when he returns, hopefully tanned and happy, from his trip on Monday night.

Sunday afternoon I took Ava to Target while John was mowing the lawn.  While we were there, Ava set her sights on a Dora backpack.  She has the 'Mr Face' Dora backpack – a much loved Christmas gift.  But this backpack was something different.  It is a 'real' backpack like the ones the big kids carry with the added bonus of wheels and a handle so someone Ava-sized can pull the backpack behind her.  For the most part Ava is pretty good in stores – she doesn't ask for things often and is generally content to look at things with the understanding that they belong to the store.  But when she spotted this Dora backpack I thought she was going to have a heart attack.  Instead of having a temper tantrum, she quickly launched into telling me all the reasons she needed the Dora backpack.  Like, when she has swimming lessons she can use it to carry her towel and 'sunscream.'  When she goes to the 'sleep store' she can put her princess pajama dress in there.  When she goes to Papa Ray's and Grandma Jo's she can carry her toys.  This child is quite the little negotiator.  So I bought the backpack.  It has been several days now and I'm not sure the backpack has left her sight for long.  She packs her 'two' (beloved blanket) and other treasures and takes it with her everywhere.  Daycare doesn't seem to be thrilled by it, but she is so intentional about what goes in the backpack, putting it on her back or dragging it behind that I'm just not willing to discourage her in anyway.  But here's my favorite part.  Everyday she tells me at least once or twice, 'thank you for buying the backpack for me.'  This child has me figured out, no doubt about it.

Speaking of daycare not being too thrilled, Ava's stalled toilet training seems to be high on the list of their daily hassles.  I feel bad about the fact that they have to deal with cleaning and changing her if she doesn't do her business in the potty, but I guess the somewhat snotty part of me wonders what they thought they were in for working with three year olds?  Each day I am getting a report on how Ava did – on the days she doesn't have any accidents there is much celebration, on the days she does I am left feeling responsible for the fact that Ava won't move her bowels in the toilet.  The part I really don't like is that Ava is now pretty much holding the poop all day and unloading the minute she gets home.  She can be such a pleaser that I am afraid she is doing this as a reaction to her teacher's frustration.  Don't get me wrong, I feel their pain.  I don't understand what the block is and I would try about anything at this point to overcome it.  But my instincts, your advice and the reading I've done basically have led me to believe she won't get it until she's ready to get it.  And she just might not be ready.  I really am very pleased with the care Ava receives at her child care center apart from this one relatively minor irritation. 

Each day at daycare Ava has a 'job' at daycare.  According to Ava her favorite job is the library helper.  There she gets to pick up the books, choose the books etc...  The other jobs are things like the line leader, the door holder, setting up the cups for snack time.  But apparently the 'status' job is either the library helper or the line leader.  What is interesting to me about this, is what is interesting to me about the fact that a small clique of girls who wear dresses (my daughter is one of them) and the girls in the neighborhood who are a little older and hold that over her.  I honestly had no idea that this started so early.  The cliques, the peer pressure, the cool kids being identified at the age of three.  I know I have written about this, around this for a while now.  But I worry.  How do I make sure Ava has the tools she needs to move through that without being over indulged?  It's not important to be a 'cool kid' because there's so much more to life than that.  But she also doesn't need to struggle for the sake of struggling.  For the most part, with the exception of the whole dress thing, Ava stays pretty centered in the face of these issues.  I've seen her weather set backs, the shut outs with a resilient disposition.  How do we make sure her resilient spirit continues through her life?

I've attached a picture of my sweet girl that I really like – she climbing the stairs kind of backwards.  From the day she could move under her own power she's been in, out, up, down, push, pull, over, under...  This picture captures that for me.  Before I sign off for good I want to point you to visit Bonnie's site so look at pictures of her new, beautiful daughter Lorelei.  My heartfelt congratulations to her family.  Cheers my friend. 

Thanks for reading—

--Kate