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Parents as Teachers?

June 16, 2006

Oh the things we do to our children... There are so many things I recognize in my daughter. Physically she looks quite a bit like her father, but she has taken on a lot of my mannerisms and way of speaking. She has also inherited some traits of mine that could be considered both a strength and a weakness.

I think I've already mentioned that Ava is quite a planner. Ahem. Me too. I have noticed that things run a lot smoother in her world when she knows what her days are going to look like. Her routine is very important to her, but if she is out of her routine she handles it just fine, so long as she knows what's going on. 'Ava, you can watch one 'Dora,' then we're going to turn off the tv... After dinner you can outside to play with your friends, but you have to wash your hands first....' You get the idea. So long as she has been duly notified she can march though just about anything. Ava is also almost relentlessly enthusiastic and has a need to make the very best of things. I don't know that I am relentlessly enthusiastic, but I do have a deep desire to make the best of things. And when I am excited about something I have hard time keeping my expectations in check, even if things change.

Yesterday was a perfect example of this for both my sweet girl and me. We had planned to take a 'hooky' day from work and daycare to spend the day 'just girls' having lunch with Sandra and Sophia, then going to the pool. The day started bright and warm, if not a little windy. Ava and I had breakfast together, saw John off to work and then we went to the gym to, as Ava says, 'do our exercises.' During our time at the gym the weather took a turn. Cloudy, blustery and threatening to rain. I talked to Sandra and we decided to meet for an early lunch with the girls and hope the weather improved. We wrestled the girls through lunch and the weather really was no better. But Ava was heartsick at the prospect of missing her swim. And not in a tantrum/toddler sort of way. She loves to swim. She had been so excited about going to the pool with her friend. Sandra said, 'well, we're here and we're close, why don't we just go over for a little while.'

I get Ava changed into her swim suit and the temperature is 77 degrees. It is really windy. The kiddie wading pool isn't heated. And Ava is the only kiddo in there. She hopping around, splashing around with her goosebumps and chattering teeth saying 'I so happy!' 'I loooove to swim.' In a way it just made me feel so sad. About 20 minutes later it started to rain. No choice but to pack up the kiddos and head for home. I had been so looking forward to spending the day with my friend, soaking up the sun, catching up and talking while our girls played. I know Ava had a lot of anticipation as well. It seems that anymore as soon as I have any expectations around things it kind of falls apart.

I took Ava home, she took a little nap, then we went to the library and to the grocery store. She watched a little 'Dora' while I made dinner. Her mood was great and she obviously recovered quite quickly from her disappointment around what our day was 'supposed' to be. I guess I hope I can continue to give her the tools that foster that kind of resilience. Even today I feel disappointed and kind of ripped off by the way the day turned out. So is she teaching me as much as I'm teaching her?

Have a great weekend—

--Kate

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