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The fourth trimester and the four day poop...

April 30, 2007

The fourth trimester and the four day poop...

I have read a number of places about the months immediately after childbirth being referred to as the fourth trimester. I think this might be one of the best descriptions of the newborn transition.  Right now my body is sort of alien to me. I am about 10 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight, but oh my are there wobbly bits.  My breasts are large, full, leaky—certainly a departure from my usual A cup!  Hormonally I am much more stable than I remember being in the days following Ava's birth, but I am still a little bit emotional and frankly a little unfocused. But sweet Amelia is a very good baby and overall making my fourth trimester a mostly enjoyable experience. 

We've settled pretty well on a night time routine that is getting better over time.  Amelia is now tolerating the co-sleeper for a good part of the night.  She doesn't quite make it all the way through the night there – she frequently gets cold (but won't keep a blanket on) or fussy after the first feeding.  Most nights she nurses around 9-10pm, sleeps in the co-sleeper until 1:30am or so and then wake up to nurse.  After that she can have a difficult time settling down.  She often ends up in bed with us after that.  She usually wakes to nurse again around 4-4:30am.  Oftentimes that feeding she is bobbing at the breast, kind of grunty and wound up.  Frequently she just can't/won't settle down unless she is laying on John's chest. Why?  I don't know.  Bless him, he will usually take her downstairs so I can sleep for a couple of hours.  I'm tired, but not just exhausted.  I think the easier labor and subsequent recovery has helped.  If I can sneak a nap with Amelia two or three times a week that is usually enough to keep me from falling into the pit.  Of course this schedule is subject to any number of fluctuations. 

Our transition in this fourth trimester has continued to run about as smoothly as I could have hoped for.  Ava has had some bumpy moments, but I am a little bit surprised by how it has played out. She absolutely loves and adores her little sister, frequently talking about how cute she is, how sweet she is, how lucky we are to have such a wonderful baby.  She has not exhibited any outward jealousy toward her sister.  Her anxiety has all shown itself in her behavior and interactions with John and me. For example, I've written a lot about how Ava is such a ritualized little soul.  For some reason, each morning she wants to have a paper towel under her cereal bowl.  OK.  Last week she was dotting some milk from her cereal on the flowers on her paper towel and watching them expand.  I noticed, but didn't say anything.  John walked into the kitchen and gave her a half hearted 'Ava don't play with your food.'  Not angry or stern and Ava just collapsed into a puddle of tears and hurt feelings. Clearly not a proportional response! She is a little bit more intense and a little bit more sensitive, but overall I am impressed with the resilience she has shown following Amelia's arrival.

However, the most challenging thing, not surprisingly, has been on the bathroom front.  Ava's poop struggles are well documented, but in the weeks leading up to Amelia's birth we had real progress.  She was pooping in the potty at daycare (not at home) pretty consistently.  Then Amelia was born and the poop strike was renewed.  No doubt in an effort to secure our attention, every night when we sat down for dinner the poop dance would begin.  The clutching the crotch, the crossed legs, the crying, the 'I miss my Grandma' (I have no idea what that has to do with pooping) so dinner each evening for several weeks was being controlled by Ava's bowels.  It was awful. John and I were arguing about it, frustrated with her, frustrated by mealtimes being affected.  This culminated in Ava spending four days eeking out a poop- smear by smear, panties or pull ups, in public, at home, at my parents house, at a political event, at a friends birthday party.  It was horrible. She was anxious, difficult to be around, crying, and talking incessantly about her poop...  Finally the four day poop ended with an actual 'real' bowel movement.  So, I talked to Ava's pediatrician again and John and I have again backed way off on this, just telling her she has to use a pull up, has to go to the bathroom if she needs to poop and has to poop it all the way out.  Its been a week now and that's working, such as it is.  We've even had a couple of dinners without the poop dance.  I suppose it goes without saying that I'm at the end of my rope on this issue with my otherwise delightful oldest daughter. 

John has been very supportive as we've navigated the addition of Amelia to our life. He is shortening his work days, doing both the pick up and drop off with Ava at daycare each day and doing his best to be on duty with the baby when he gets home so I can have sometime with Ava.  He is feeling a lot of pressure as he tries to balance work and home life and I appreciate all he's doing.  I am still a little bit overwhelmed the times I am caring for both girls by myself, but I feel like a whimp even writing that, knowing the number of women who do that, and more, each and every day.  I have a hard time being patient with Ava and do all the baby maintenance for Amelia.  I know I'm probably holding myself to an unduly harsh standard and it is getting gradually easier.  John has an out of town work obligation the week after next and will be gone for three days.  I am trying to do some strategizing for coming through that time unscathed.  Any tips?

Ava has made a couple of new entertainment discoveries recently – "The Sound of Music" and 'Mary Poppins" are now in heavy duty rotation at our house.  John downloaded the "Sound of Music" soundtrack from iTunes and every time we drive her anywhere we are listening to it.  There may not be anything sweeter in the whole world than hearing her sing 'My Favorite Things' she knows ALL the words...  She loves the merry-go-round scene in Mary Poppins and our town has a large, restored historical carousel that opens in just a few weeks.  I showed her pictures on line and she talks about it CONSTANTLY.  The carousel has an option for a season pass that is really pretty reasonable – I think we'll probably buy that. 

This weekend Ava and I took some time, just the two of us, to go (as Ava said) to the 'paint store' to have our toes painted.  It was just hilarious to be with Ava as she experienced the pedicure.  She has a tendency to narrate her daily life anyway, but her observations were just hilarious.  The best part though was having lunch, just the two of use, afterwards.  Having a new baby has reminded me of the sweet and delicious things that come with a new little person.  But having a few hours just with my sweet Patito was a reminder of all the wonderful things to come.  When we got home from our outing Ava's friends were outside running in the sprinkler (thank goodness spring/summer is here) and she zoomed outside to be with them.  She tore around the back yard for several hours playing.  When I was putting her to bed that night she said 'I had the best day today momma.'  Me too, sweet girl, me too.

Thanks for reading—

--Kate