Kate's Diary Entries

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Time to get caught up

January 15, 2007

I had a first in my time keeping a diary through iParenting.... Last week I got an email message reminding me I hadn't updated in awhile and encouraging me to post. I don't know why it has been so difficult for me to tend to this space, because it remains important to me. Where else would I be able to record things like the fact that Ava calls lip balm 'lip lotion' and seems to be as obsessed with keeping her lips moisturized as I do? I vow to do better, then I don't, so I don't really know what to say except to try to pick up somewhat where I left off. With the baby coming and all the delightful changes in my daughter I don't want to lose the one place I seem to record these things. (Ava's baby book, a sad, sad tale of neglect)

We made it through the holidays relatively intact. Mostly it was delightful. The kids seemed genuinely pleased with their gifts and for the first time I had the sense that Ava really understood the more magical aspects of Christmas. Ava attends day care in a center affiliated with a Jewish Community Center and private school. The center itself is not religiously based, but they are especially cautious of Christian centered holidays. A fact that I embrace and that has caused a little bit of consternation amongst some in-laws. The way I see it, Ava will get ample, ample exposure to Christianity. She has been baptized and raised in a Christian-practicing household. I am frankly grateful that she is learning about other religious denominations, their traditions and holidays. My view and maybe even my struggle with some facets of organized religion is the opinion held by some that theirs is the only right way... I believe that Christianity is the vehicle for me to live out my spiritual life because that's where I was born, that's how I was raised. (Although I do have a brother who is a practicing Buddhist – cool with me!) I think I can say with some degree of certainty that if I had been born and raised into a Jewish or Muslim that is how I would live my spiritual life. So if a three year old Methodist singing "The Dradle Song" makes you anxious (ahem, certain not to be named in-laws) then I'd say move along.

We spent a little bit of time on the road over the holidays, traveling to be with John's extended family. My extended family is fairly proximate and gathers in the town where I live. Truth of it is the forced family togetherness can be tough. It is nice to have the option of returning to our own home, our own space. Don't get me wrong. Much of John's family is delightful and I enjoy being with them, but it can be a bit wearing. Ava absolutely adores her cousins, close in age to her and I love seeing them play together. For the first time this holiday I can say that we kind of turned her loose in the house with her cousins and didn't supervise their play nearly as much. Her ever burgeoning independence is very nice and makes me feel both grateful and wistful for the little person she is becoming.

The other day I was driving Ava to school and she spent much of the half hour drive dissecting the meaning of the word 'rough.' Like, "you can have a rough morning, like when your favorite twirly, twirly dress isn't clean or the ground can be rough and scratchy." I swear, it went on like this for the longest time, to the point where I couldn't possibly think of another example of how something was rough or the different types of rough. I make mention of this because I really feel her language comprehension is amazing. I know it is entirely possible, even likely, that this is normal three year old behavior, but her perspective on the world is so much fun to be a part of and makes me feel so very lucky.

But alas, we continue the struggle with Ava moving her bowels in the potty. Of course I couldn't let an entry go by without talking about poop. We seem to make some progress, having a day or two where she will poop in the potty, then long stretches of time where she flatly refuses. Having come to the end of my rope some time ago I am essentially adopting a hands off strategy on this one. Having shown us she is quite capable of holding it for longer than anyone thought was possible I've basically decided that as long as she's going she will eventually go in the potty. (I actually think sooner or later social pressure will catch up to her, it has to, right?) But I do have to say that there is little doubt she can do whatever she pleases. Last weekend she was wearing panties, as she does much of the time, and playing with her toys while I prepared dinner. She came into the kitchen, fished a pull up out of her diaper bag, took off her panties, put on her pull up and dropped a load in her pants. You might be reading this in wonder about why I didn't march her right to the bathroom.... It had been nearly three days since her last bowel movement and I am apparently a very lazy parent because I didn't have the energy for the fight that would inevitably ensue.

This week I was hit hard by a stomach virus. I went through a very scary 48 hour period of not being able to eat or drink anything without losing it, coupled with intense stomach cramps. It started Wednesday evening and was so intense John called the OB on call to see what he could do. In a stunning display of good sense (note strong sarcasm) she suggested that so long as I wasn't bleeding I should take a Tylenol and let it move through my system. Super. Fortunately I had a regularly scheduled OB appointment on Thursday. By the time that appointment rolled around I had lost 3 lbs since my appointment 4 weeks prior, putting my weight a mere 5 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight at 26 weeks. (Believe me, this is not the 'true' reflection of my weight gain) Thankfully I felt like the worst of it was behind me, but the OB prescribed an anti-nausea drug and said I needed to focus on taking in as much liquid as I could. If I wasn't better in 24 hours he would admit me for IV fluids. Fortunately that wasn't necessary as the anti-nausea drug did the trick and I was able to eat and drink beginning almost immediately. Of course I was worried about the baby, but was assured that she is safe in her own little eco-system and will frankly take all she needs from me. As the doc said 'The baby is just fine, its momma we're worried about.'

Unfortunately the raging stomach virus forced us to miss inaugural festivities for our state's new Governor. My mother in law came to visit because John and I had scheduled a packed weekend of social events. By Saturday we were able to attend his law firm's post holiday celebration (although we were the first ones to leave) but cancelled out on the rest of our plans. I was so disappointed. My mother in law is a warm, wonderful woman, but tends to indulge Ava a lot. There are times where I feel almost forced to exert my authority as a parent and remind Ava of boundaries and rules she knows full well. Sunday John worked all day (I will not be bitter and resentful, I will not be bitter and resentful) and the weather was terrible, forcing us to stay in the house all day. Quite honestly, Ava pays me little mind when my mother in law is around. And usually that is ok with me – I am all for her having lots of loving attention from adults who are not John and I. After a day of Ava-palooza full of games, art activities, cooking making (at lunch time!) and no nap our sweet girl was pretty maxed out. I made dinner for our family, a meal I know Ava likes, and she started sobbing when I served her some food. My mother in law swoops in with the 'don't cry, we'll make you whatever you want for dinner' and I kind of lost it. I told her to sit down and enjoy her dinner, that I would deal with Ava. This is what we are having for dinner and if Ava doesn't care for any, that is fine, but we are not making her a separate meal. (At 34 lbs and something like 65% percentile for weight for her age she is hardly wasting away) Maybe I was wrong to snap, especially after her generosity of planning to care for Ava during our busy social weekend that wasn't to be, but I had kind of reached my limit. John and I have been working on dinner time, instilling some rules and boundaries that Ava can understand. Things like taking 'one polite bite' of everything, saying 'no thank you' if you don't care for any, staying seated while we eat, not leaving the table until everyone is done.... The vast majority of the time Ava eats what we eat for dinner. Certainly there are times we make something that is a more adult taste or that she doesn't care for and I will make her some toast, give her some cottage cheese or an apple.... But that is pretty rare.

And in case you were wondering, John totally had my back on that one. After dinner John stepped in and said he was taking Ava up for bath, despite his mother's protests that she would like to do it. They had a quiet bathtime and afterwards John laid her in our bed for a minute to warm up before lotion time (as is there tradition) he went back to the bathroom to pick up dirty clothes, get his book etc... and when he returned Ava was sound asleep – naked, wet and snoring like a log. Together we moved her quietly through until bedtime.

I know this is a rambling, sort of disjointed, making up for lost time entry, but I did want to make mention of my pregnancy, which is progressing a light speed. Our Swabie is growing right on schedule, despite the yuk of the stomach virus. Next week I am scheduled for my blood glucose test (I passed with Ava and am not at risk) and Rhogam shot (I am Rh negative, John is not). I am about 26 weeks along and can say the baby's movements are becoming much more noticeable. She is especially busy in the evenings, after dinner when we are relaxing, watching tv. I am starting to feel very itchy to get things in place for the arrival of the little one. The room that will be hers has been occupied by Meghan during holiday break. She is back at school, so we need to clean it out, paint, replace the carpeting etc... I donated most of Ava's baby things like the bouncy seat, activity mat, car seat etc... so we need to start strategically replacing those items. Fortunately the crib, changing table and rocker were spared my philanthropic spree, so we will be able to reuse them. I feel very anxious to meet the newest and last addition to our family. To see what she's like, hold her and watch her join our family. I have many thoughts circulating about my fear of labor and delivery, which I will save for another day as this is growing longer by the moment. A friend who recently delivered shared her expansive wardrobe of maternity clothing with me this weekend, so I have more clothes than I could possibly wear in the 3 months or so I have until our new little girl makes her appearance. A nice and unexpected problem to have!

And finally, I am off this weekend to celebrate my 35 ^th birthday with some good girl friends in Chicago. As usual I am desperately looking forward to the trip while feeling guilty about the time away and the money... Even though I didn't really make any new year's resolutions, I resolve to try to park the guilt and enjoy my rejuvenating time with my friends.

Thanks for reading—

--Kate

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Kate's Diary Entries

Time to get caught up

January 15, 2007

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