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December 3, 2003
3 December 2003
MY BABY BECOMES A ‘LITTLE BOY’
Well, Ryan’s big day on Saturday was a blast. He’s officially two and I feel I can no longer call him my ‘baby’ – he is most definitely a little boy now, with long, strong limbs, less ‘chubby bubby’ fat and energy to burn. He actually slept in on his birthday until 8.45am. Perhaps he was conserving his energy for the big day ahead? Generally he’s awake and calling for us around 7.30am most mornings.
I’d planned to take Ryan to a BBQ with the playgroup we go to on Saturday mornings but cancelled out as I thought it would probably be too much in one day for Ryan (and me, truth be told). So we spent a nice quiet morning playing with the things he got for his birthday, including a Bob the Builder bean bag, a Fisher Price Little People rescue station with vehicles, a Bob the Builder video and a couple of other little things. He has taken to launching himself into the bean bag by running across the room and taking a flying jump - he thinks it is a great laugh. I think I have caught him sitting in it correctly maybe twice since his birthday! I have a feeling I will be cleaning up those horrible little polystyrene ‘beans’ from the carpet before too long.
After a sleep it was time to get ready for his party. It was only a very small group this year – my parents and some close friends (DH’s parents live in Queensland in Northern Australia). Ryan seemed to really enjoy the day this year, so much more than his 1st birthday when it was all a little overwhelming I’m sure. My parents gave him a Bob the Builder interactive electronic work bench (Bob asks for help with building projects and the child taps plastic nails, presses number keys, turns screws and moves a drill handle up and down). It’s a great toy but Bob has the strongest American accent ever - just sounds very funny after watching countless Bob videos in his broad English accent!
Ryan had 2 birthday cakes, one made by my mum (chocolate – mmmm) with candles and a Black Forest cake with 2 sparklers in it. And with that, I kissed goodbye to my Weight Watchers discipline for the week. I could have chosen to nibble on the rice crackers or fruit – yeah right. Later in the evening DH fired up the BBQ and we had a late dinner with our friends which did in fact include some salad so I wasn’t entirely guilt ridden. Ryan was so tired by bedtime, he went out like a light that night.
Through the day, I found myself thinking about what I was doing at that time 2 years ago. I’ve found Ryan’s 2 birthdays to be very emotional days, feeling happy that he is here in our lives, healthy and sweet but also feeling sad that his babyhood is over! It seems to have passed in a mere blink of an eye. I think about having another baby so often these days, which brings me to:
SECOND TIME ROUND
No, I’m not pregnant. In fact I find it hard to imagine that I ever will be again. DH and I had ‘The Talk’ on the night of Ryan’s birthday (probably not a good time for me in my emotional state) and he laid his cards on the table – he really does not want to have another child. Where does this leave me? I simply don’t know. While loving kids, DH does not particularly enjoy the baby stage and that’s fine, I respect that. He figures it’s busy enough now with our family of 3 (plus my stepdaughter who stays with us every 2nd weekend), both of us working full-time, a mortgage, a car to pay off and all the other bills that we all have to deal with. Yes, life is incredibly busy but thousands of other families cope with new babies. I’m feeling pretty down right now, ladies – I feel like the decision has been made for me and I will never again enjoy the experience of being pregnant and having a little one in my arms. I know we should have discussed this fully before getting married and made definite plans – heaven knows why we didn’t. DH & I got together relatively late in life (I was 31 when we met, he was 35 then we had Ryan when I was 34) so he thinks he’s ‘past all that’ now.
I just do not know which way to turn right now. I am thankful beyond words that we have a happy, healthy little boy – I know I’m lucky to have him when so many women struggle with infertility and may never be able to have children. But it doesn’t stop me wanting another child, a sibling for Ryan to grow up with (his sister, my stepdaughter, will be 13 next birthday) and another little one to love. I can’t see a solution to the current dilemma where both of us can be happy.
CHRISTMAS AROUND THE CORNER
Onto happier things! I love Christmas, I love the fact that it is summer and the days are long (must sound very strange to you Northern Hemisphere dwellers), I love the Christmas music, the family get togethers and buying gifts for special people. We have yet to put up our Christmas lights on the house or the Christmas tree. I’ve told DH that we ARE having a Christmas tree (he was reluctant due to Ryan’s insatiable curiosity and attraction to all things sparkly and pretty) and I will take responsibility if Ryan happens to knock the thing over, which I honestly don’t think he will. Christmas shopping is just about done, it’s just the wrapping and labelling left to do now.
My co-worker and I have worked out when we are going to work in the week between Christmas and New Year (unfortunately our department continues to run no matter what day of the year it is). The boss is happy for us to alternate days and then finish around lunchtime on the days we work so I will have a couple of long weekends during that time – YAY! In my previous job, the department would close completely on Christmas Eve, re-opening around 5th January – heaven. Things are different in my current job because people will unfortunately over-indulge, have accidents etc and require the services of the Forensic Pathologist – sad but true. So much for my section on Christmas cheer!
IS THERE A SEAL IN THE HOUSE??
Ryan has developed a really nasty cough over the last few days which is worse at night and inevitably wakes him up. I’ve been up with him several times during the last 2 nights. I put him in bed with me about 3.00 this morning and he tossed and turned for a while but eventually got back to sleep. I took him to the doctor yesterday and she said his throat and ears are fine but he sounds somewhat wheezy so she has prescribed Ventolin syrup. I had to go to 4 pharmacies before being able to get hold of any – I was not happy by then! Most of them said they could order it in – my boy needed it NOW not in a few days.
He has gone to his carer’s house today and the cough seemed slightly better this morning so we’ll see how he goes. I’m so glad it was not another ear infection though, he had several during the winter and seemed to be continually taking antibiotic syrup. Ryan certainly seems chirpy enough during the day so I’m glad it’s not making him miserable.
QUIET TIME
I’m the only one at work today! My co-worker has a day off, my boss is in the North of the state, another doctor is on leave and the medical students we usually have around are doing exams. It is wonderful! I tend to get so much more done with no-one else around (no-one to gossip with) plus I find time to finish off my Christmas cards and of course write a new entry for my diary. And the phone has been cooperating too, it’s only rung 3-4 times today. These days are VERY rare though, usually it is extremely busy in here. I wish I had similar quiet time at home, it’s a madhouse there in the evenings.
That’s about it for now. Just want to say ‘Hang in there’ to my wonderful net buddy, Kelly, in these last few days before Austin arrives – I’m thinking about you and getting very excited, can’t wait to hear the news!
Please drop in to say hi on my TTM board – love to see those new messages!
Sue & Ryan (11/29/01)
www.babiesonline.com/babies/r/rg
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