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June 3, 2004
Thursday 3rd June 2004
Ryan is 2 ½ years old
Sorry I’ve left it so long to update – again. But here we are, 3 days into Ryan’s 3rd winter and it’s already grey, rainy and cold! I’ve had to buy Ryan a new winter coat and hat this week as last year’s are WAY too small. I can’t believe how much this boy of mine is growing! I bought him a size 4 coat as he generally has several layers underneath on these chilly days.
Today Ryan is with my mum (Nanna) and she is taking him for a haircut so I’m hoping he behaves himself. Can’t wait to see the results. His hair was VERY short over summer but since then has grown quickly, so he has these adorable little curls around his ears and at the back of his neck. As cute as they are, his hair is very difficult to control and keep tidy (it is quite thick – the days of lovely baby-fine hair are long gone). I will post before and after shots on his web page soon.
CATCHING UP
My brother and his wife visited last weekend so it was great to catch up with them. My brother is in the Australian Air Force and lives in Newcastle, New South Wales, which is a couple of hours flight from us down here in Tasmania. They are still on alert to go to the Middle East so it is amazing that he was allowed leave to visit us. I’m hoping and praying that he doesn’t have to go. One minute the Air Force is saying yes, they will definitely be going and then a few more months pass by and a date further in the future is given, so we don’t really know what is happening. This causes my mother far too much anxiety.... My brother hasn’t seen Ryan since July 2003 so he certainly noticed lots of changes in him. Ryan was great with them and gave them lots of hugs and kisses when they left which was nice.
We all had lunch at our home on Sunday and my parents came too so that kept me busy for much of the day. I did manage to get Ryan down for a nap about 2pm. Generally he is far too interested in what’s happening and sleep is the last thing on his mind when we have visitors!
MISSING A BIG ‘FAMILY’
It is fun to watch Ryan playing with his grandparents, uncle and auntie and I feel sorry that he won’t get the chance to experience a large extended family. Now that my brother and wife have returned home, Ryan’s only family are his mummy and daddy, his sister and my parents. I do worry about the fact that as we all get older, Ryan will have no-one of his own age group to play with, to mess about with, to confide in and to support him when the time comes to worry about his ageing parents! A long way off but I still worry about it nonetheless.
I remember growing up in England with both sets of grandparents, numerous cousins, lots of aunties and uncles as well as my parents and brother. I remember playing with my brother and cousins, sharing ideas, ‘ganging up’ on the grown-ups, sympathising and supporting each other and generally having lots of fun. Sure, we had some bad times too, but during those bad times we had other ‘kin’ to turn to. I feel sad that Ryan won’t have that experience of a close extended family. Mark’s parents and one sister live interstate and have VERY little contact with us – there’s no animosity, it’s just their way. We don’t see his other sister often; her family are also Jehovah’s Witnesses so they don’t come to our birthday or Christmas celebrations. There is just not that level of closeness in Mark’s family that mine has always had.
Even Ryan’s sister (almost 13) is now at that age where Ryan is becoming the ‘pesky little brother’ who wants to play with the blocks or the cars or read books or be given piggy backs, when she would much rather be in her own room, singing along to the latest Avril Lavigne CD or on the phone to her friends. Oh yes, she loves him and she’s great with him and I certainly don’t EXPECT her to entertain him when she’s with us (every 2nd weekend). I totally understand that she is growing up quickly now and doesn’t want to spend all her time with a toddler, that’s perfectly normal.
I just feel sorry that Ryan will not have that experience of growing up with a sibling close in age or a large family around him. That’s one of the many reasons why I would like to have another baby (look out - here she goes again)so Ryan can grow up with a brother or sister who understands the quirky family from which they came! I know there’s no guarantee that he would have a good relationship with a sibling but I’m always hopeful that they would at least ‘support’ each other when they have to decide which nursing home to put mum and dad into!!
BABIES AND RELATIONSHIPS
When I met DH in 1998, I thought my life had just started. Seriously. I was 30 years old, I’d spent my 20’s in an absolutely ‘going nowhere’ relationship that I should have broken away from years before, had it not been for his emotional instability (“I’ll kill myself if you leave me” kinda thing) and my fear of going into the great unknown of ‘suddenly single’ . I DID eventually leave him and he DID try to kill himself….but that’s another story. So DH & were together for 3 years before Ryan came along and had what I would consider a ‘perfect’ relationship. We had some issues along the way with my step-daughter who was not accepting of her dad’s new relationship; this caused quite a lot of tension and heartache but over time things got a lot better for all of us. Then in June/July/August 2001 DH was seriously ill (the dark days of my 2nd trimester of pregnancy – my only memories are of Mark’s multiple surgeries, long days spent at the hospital and post-op complications) and in November 2001, Ryan was born.
To say it was a difficult year would be a huge understatement. But also a HAPPY time with the arrival of our little boy. It just all happened in such a short space of time and I don’t think things have been quite the same since then. Being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness (since resolved) and dealing with the aftermath most certainly changes relationships. Having a child so soon afterwards also inevitably changes a relationship– it is a momentous life event, how can it not? But I had hoped it would change for the better. It seems that DH believes that having a child has ultimately been to the detriment of our relationship and that our relationship did not need to be ‘added to’ to make it even better. Sigh. I have to add that not for one moment do we regret having Ryan – never, ever, ever – he is such a joy! And DH is a wonderful daddy - we just have to find ways to rekindle our relationship with each other, not just as ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’.
With both of us working full-time there is very little ‘us’ time in our crazy schedules and I believe DH is still resentful of how our lives have changed so very much since the early days pre-Ryan. I guess I am partly to blame, for being so enthralled by my little boy that I have probably unintentionally left less and less time to nurture my relationship with DH. But I see Ryan for a few short hours in the evenings and on weekends – of course I want to do things with him, take him places, just be there with him. He is only going to be this little for such a short time (one day it will be very uncool to hang out with mum). I would be a happier wife, mummy and person if I did not have to work full time – the problem is convincing DH of this. He seems to only focus on the financial issues.
Having said all that, we’re not on the verge of splitting up or anything drastic. We still get along fine and our home is generally a happy one. Our focus tends to be on Ryan though, not each other! I suppose DH is still mourning the loss of our relationship ‘the way it used to be’ 3-4 years ago, but we both have to accept that being parents has replaced ‘the way it used to be’ with a totally different kind of happiness and a whole new set of challenges! We are no longer living the DINK (double income, no kids) lifestyle and will never live it again. I for one am glad about that, I wonder why I waited so long to become a mummy. And I have to add that strangely enough, DH has not entirely ruled out the idea of having another baby. He knows how much I long for another child and I think he also realises, as Ryan gets older, how much it would benefit Ryan to have a sibling to laugh, play, argue and get up to mischief with. Before that happens though, we need to spend some time on ‘us’. We all know that having another baby does not patch up a shaky relationship.
Just my little rant for the day. Thanks for listening, if you’re still with me!
WEDDINGS AND TRAVELS
My mum is going to her brother’s wedding in England in July. It is his first marriage, at the age of 46! Dad will be staying here as he has to work – major bummer. Then in August my cousin is getting married in Ontario, Canada and she has invited us to the wedding. It is a LONG way from Australia to Canada but I would dearly love to go. The chances are next to nothing that we will be able to (a) get the time off work and (b) afford to go, but it’s nice to think about. We would by flying from Melbourne, Australia via Honolulu to Toronto (about 20 hours I believe….). Hey, then I could zip down into the States and visit my IP friends!! Forgetting that Canada and the States are HUGE....oh well, I can dream.
DH’s brother is also getting married next month a bit closer to home so that’s one wedding we WILL be going to. He has been single for quite a while then met a girl in a shop that he frequents and TWO weeks later they decided to get married!! DH’s brother is one of those guys who you can never imagine ‘settling down’ – he loves to travel, study and generally do his own thing. Now he will have a wife and 2 teenage stepchildren in less than a month!! Brave man!
RYAN – HUGS AND SNIFFLES
Ryan loves to give us huge, tight squeezes and hugs where he almost starts to shake! What an affectionate little poppet he is. He’s also started to wake once or twice briefly through the night and when I go into his room, he’s crying and saying “tissues! tissues!” So I wipe his face and nose and he rolls right over and goes back to sleep. Wish I knew what was waking him in the first place. Thankfully it’s not every night that I get summoned to his room to wipe his nose!
I’m half expecting the first ear infection of winter to hit any day now. It’s almost inevitable in a day care setting. So far, so good – he’s managed to avoid a full-on cold through Autumn.
Time to go home. The final American Idol is on tonight – we are so far behind, I already know Fantasia won, deservedly so.
The final Amazing Race is on this weekend too. You guys in the States probably saw it YEARS ago!! I love that show! I am hoping against hope that ‘Team Guido’ DO NOT win. My faves, Kevin & Drew, have already left, pipped at the post by ‘Bert & Ernie aka the Guidos’.
Enjoy your summer, ladies, and spare a thought for us down here in Australia where it is very definitely winter.
Special thoughts to Kelly (MT) and family, especially little Austin. Hope you feel better soon, little one.
Sue & Ryan
www.babiesonline.com/babies/r/rg
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