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February 24, 2004
24 February 2004
Ryan is almost 27 months old
MOMMY GUILT?
Here I am at my desk at work on a sunny morning, updating my diary and only giving a passing thought to all the work that sits in my in-tray, waiting to be done. Bad employee! But I’m missing my boy, who is with his carer from 7.45am to 5.45pm Bad mummy! Sometimes you just can’t win, can you? I’ve just read Heather’s new diary entry where she describes ‘Mommy guilt’ – I have a serious case of it today. It comes and goes but most of the time I am happy in the knowledge that I’m doing what’s best for our family at this point in our lives and I know that Ryan is happy and healthy, whether he is cared for by me, by his Nanna or by Tammy, his carer. I truly believe that he has the best of ALL worlds – he has quality, nurturing time with his mummy and daddy, he has one on one attention and lots of love from his Nanna and he has interaction with the other children when he is with Tammy. His little face just BEAMS when he walks into her house and sees all his ‘mates’. That makes going to work SO much easier.
FORENSIC FRENZY
I’ve been drowning here at work in an absolute torrent of new cases which have come to us from all over the state. We have already doubled the number of cases we did in January. Add to this a co-worker being on leave for 4 weeks and it has all fallen to ‘guess who’ to help keep the ship afloat. As well as all the day to day forensic cases, I am responsible for the staffing issues of the department, management of the budget and other project work, most of which has had to take a back seat in the last month so that I can on top of all the forensic reports for the Coroner. Phew! I need a break. DH & I will be taking a month off at the end of March – bring it on!
WHO CUT THAT HAIR??
Aside from work, the last few weeks have been quite busy for us. I’ve been really trying to concentrate on planning some ‘fun’ things to do on weekends, to avoid getting into that ‘must catch up on housework and other chores’ rut. So on the last few weekends I’ve been taking Ryan outside a lot more (it’s still summer here). We bought him some outdoor play equipment at Christmas, kind of like a little house with built in seats inside, a roof, coloured rings, a clock, a bar which becomes a sprinkler when the garden hose is attached and a slide off one side. Mum and dad bought him the matching table and bench seats so he has been having a great time outside. He has a bit of a meltdown when I say it’s time to come inside but he’s getting better.
We took Ryan for a haircut a couple of weeks ago. DH was with us and he got his way – Ryan’s hair is short, short, short, as in shaved off short. A little too short for my liking. There’s nothing to brush! I am going to let it grow back again. He looks so much older all of a sudden and people can’t believe he’s only 2. I do miss my baby boy! But he is growing up to be a sweet, loving, smart boy and it’s pretty exciting to watch him develop before our very eyes. His speech is slowly but surely getting there and he is now copying just about anything we say (gotta be careful what we say now!). He’s sleeping well and he hasn’t had an ear infection since October!!! (just jinxed myself now). He had them on an almost monthly basis through last winter, I hope it’s not the same story this coming winter.
BOTTLES AND PACIFIERS – YEP, WE STILL USE ‘EM!
I’m not ashamed to say that Ryan still uses his pacifier at night (absolutely LOVES it) and has a bottle of warm milk before bed. I know he doesn’t need these things and I might just be using them to hang on to the very last threads of babyhood but I’m in no hurry to get rid of them and they are certainly only bringing Ryan comfort, not harm. I LOVE when he snuggles up in my arms and has his bottle, I kiss his warm forehead and enjoy that ‘freshly bathed’ smell of him! After finishing the bottle he takes it out to the kitchen and puts it on the bench for me, then helps me clear away the toys in the living area (it usually looks like a bomb site by that time of evening), we grab ‘dum-dum’, it’s kisses all round then off to bed with Ernie, Teddy, Banana in Pyjamas and ‘Buh-Bud’ (a ladybird!). After I leave the room, he calls out ‘Buyeeeee! Buyeeee!’ several times, has a quick chat to the bed mates and then concentrates on that pacifier for a while before drifting off. The day will come when he will no longer want his pacifier but at the moment I’m thinking ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!’
I’M OBSESSED
I know, I’m like a broken record. It’s just that the thought never goes away. I find myself walking through the baby departments of shops and looking at all the adorable little clothes, devouring my parenting magazines and imagining life with 2 little boys in our family or a heaven-sent little girl in pink and lavender. I will come down to earth with a thud when it finally sinks in that DH is JUST NOT INTERESTED in doing it all again. I know that, he’s told me often enough but I’m always thinking he’ll change his mind. I just can’t accept that in saying no, he is mapping out my future for me. I never wanted Ryan to be an only child!
AF has still not arrived (3 months now) but I am definitely not pregnant. I went to the doctor last week and bloods tests confirmed it, sad but true. They also tested my thyroid which is fine. She just told me to wait another month or so then go back if still no AF. She said this can happen when you stop taking the pill (in my case, to ease migraine headaches) but the last time I came off the pill after 10 years on it, I missed only one AF then back she came and we conceived Ryan shortly afterwards. I would just like to know what is going on. Maybe DH is slipping those pills in my meals or drinks when I’m not looking, huh?! Look at that, now I’m getting paranoid!!
MOVIES/TV/UPCOMING HOLIDAYS
We haven’t been to the movies in a LONG time. I always feel guilty asking my mum to have Ryan in the evening when she looks after him 2, sometimes 3 days per week. Same goes for his day carer. We usually watch DVDs but it’s just not the same as sitting in a movie theatre, is it? I won a double pass to see ‘The Missing’ on 1st March but the screening is at 6.30pm which is really difficult for DH & I. I’m going to try hard to get there though as it sounds like quite a good movie. Has anyone seen it?? I’d also like to see ‘Butterfly Effect’ and ‘Mona Lisa Smile’ – gotta love those chick flicks. You guys in the USA get to see movies and TV shows before us here in the far flung reaches of the Southern Hemisphere. So how did Sex and the City end?? Who got voted off in Survivor? Who won American Idol? We see these shows but they are way behind you! I’m a fan of reality TV, they become addictive just like the diaries and boards on IP!
We are hoping to see a couple of movies when we are on holidays at the end of March. DH and I also hope to go to Melbourne for a couple of nights (an hour’s flight from Tasmania to mainland Australia) to rest, relax and SHOP!! Melbourne is great for shopping. I was hoping that the Lion King show would be on while we were there but it is still in Sydney. I would LOVE to see that. Ryan will spend 2 nights with his Nanny and Grandad. I will miss him but it will be great to spend some time with DH and not worry about packing the diaper bag and getting Ryan to sleep in a strange place. DH suggested Ryan stay with his ex-wife and daughter for the 2 nights as Ryan adores his sister but he isn’t familiar with their house and I would worry about him. I guess that sounds a bit weird – having your baby stay with your husband’s ex-wife! But I don’t have a problem with that, we have always got along well thank goodness. She and DH are still good friends and I don’t feel threatened by that at all, I also consider her a friend. Weird but true!!
Well, I’m off to collect my boy from his carer. Wishing you all a great week! Come Talk To Me!!
Until next time
Sue & Ryan
www.babiesonline.com/babies/r/r/g
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