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January 12, 2004

Monday 12th January

Today is our 2nd wedding anniversary – two years ago today I was 6 weeks post c-section (crazy huh?) and squeezed into my wedding dress (engorged boobs ahoy!). It was the most glorious summer’s day. My step daughter was my bridesmaid (couldn’t get the grin off her face all day) and Ryan was the best man – a tiny bundle of blue with our wedding rings tied to his jacket. It was a lovely day with the actual ceremony held under a natural archway decorated with flowers at my parent’s rural property. When it came time to exchange rings, Jessica carried Ryan over to us so that we could take the rings from both of them – we then gave Jessica a gold necklace and Ryan a gold pin to symbolise our new family. We had our wedding that soon after having Ryan because my grandmother (82) was visiting from England and I wanted her to share our day. It was one of the most special days of my life!

WELL??
In answer to the ‘am I or aren’t I pregnant’ question from my last entry, the test was negative (sigh). I have to admit that I hoped it would be positive and that fate had intervened in the ongoing ‘battle of wills’ between my DH and I. But it was not to be (this time!). As more time passes, I find myself becoming more and more unhappy with this whole situation – I want another baby so badly and I truly feel another baby would be good for our whole family, not just me. I know it is something DH & I should have discussed more fully and agreed upon before we got married – I kick myself now for not having that conversation. The fact that my DH has a daughter from his first marriage is a huge part of this – he has his daughter and son and has no desire to have any more. He tells me I already have a daughter, my 12 year old stepdaughter, who came into my life when she was 6. We get along well now and our relationship has become stronger since I had Ryan but really, how can you compare the relationship I have with her with the relationship I might have with a daughter of my own, a daughter I would carry inside me, give birth to and take care of from Day 1? The stepmother/stepdaughter relationship is a very different one to the mother/daughter relationship. My stepdaughter already has a very loving mother and I am more of a good friend to her. That’s fine, it works very well for us but it’s not the same as having my own daughter.

In October I will be 37 and I feel I need to resolve this issue once and for all. DH makes me really mad when he makes smart comments in front of family and friends about how he ‘has retired’ from having children and how he’s not going back to broken sleep, crying babies and all it entails. I would do it all again in an instant.

CHATTERBOX
Ryan has finally decided that speaking would be a good thing! He has taken so long to say recognisable words that I was starting to worry – just like I worried when he didn’t walk until 16 months. I have to chill a bit, they all do it when they are ready and not before. As a first time mum, there’s always something to worry about. Ryan is saying a lot of different things now, no short sentences or anything but it will happen. I am 100% confident that his hearing is fine and we talk to him ALL the time about whatever we are doing to encourage his speech. Sometimes I think that reading all the baby books (and I have a lot – too many really) makes you worry more than you should when your child has not reached a certain milestone at a certain age. I am happy that my little boy is happy, healthy and developing normally at his OWN rate.

POTTY STAR
Because of his late speech development, I have put off potty training until now as he was obviously not able to ‘tell’ me when or if he was about to do his business. I bought a potty a couple of months ago and sat it in his room so that he could check it out, look at it, get used to it. He has been very interested in it and I have explained what we do with it and how he will be able to use it, now that he is a ‘big boy’ – don’t those words work wonders?!! He sat on it fully clothed quite a bit (!) then in the last few days I have been sitting him on it without his nappy on and the first day we did this, he used the potty twice – yippee!! I have been sitting him on the potty frequently at home but I haven’t sent it along to his carer’s or to Nanna’s house yet. We’re still very much in the introductory stage.

Question – I have not seen this issue addressed in any of the books/leaflets/websites but how do we potty train properly when Ryan goes to a home carer 3 days a week and his Nanna’s 2 days a week, then weekends with us? The routines are GENERALLY the same but I would really be grateful for any tips/hints you might have. I’ve been thinking of continuing with getting him to sit on the potty at home and perhaps at Nanna’s and then waiting until my annual leave in March to really concentrate on it, so that he is not trying to ‘learn’ in 3 different environments. Any feedback or hints would be gratefully received.

Ryan seems to be quite amused at using the potty! The first time he used it, he had such a surprised look on his face, then burst out laughing. I had to tell him not to drop his toy car between his legs and into the potty which is where it was heading….. He is fascinated with the whole process, which can only be a good thing, right? I am so looking forward to not buying nappies!

HOLIDAYS
We have decided not to travel to England with my parents in March but will take our holidays from work in late March/early April and hopefully have a weekend away together somewhere. Not quite the same as flying into London! I’m sure it would be a hellish flight for 21 hours from Australia to London, for Ryan and for us. We might look at going in a couple of years time when Ryan is that much older. My only worry is my Nanna who is getting up there in years, I would really love for Ryan to be able to spend time with her. She is incredibly healthy and lively for her age which is great. I will probably not have that much time off from work as I have used the odd day or two here and there through the year when Ryan has been unwell.

CLEAN-UP
One of my New Year resolutions has been to clean up the clutter in our house, which means getting rid of a lot of old clothing. I am guilty of keeping things in my wardrobe ‘until I lose weight’ which never does seem to happen. I have decided to list a lot of my stuff and some of Ryan’s things on eBay, then hold a garage sale for all the rest. I am so sentimental though – every item of Ryan’s clothing holds little memories for me. I will keep the most special things and sell the rest, there is no point keeping containers of clothes around the house. I don’t know anyone I could give them to, otherwise I would happily pass them on.
TTM – to other mums: did you keep your child’s clothes, right back from Day 1?? If not, what did you do with them?

CHILD CARE
The child care situation here in Australia seems to be at crisis point. You pretty much need to book a place even before you start trying to conceive! Child care workers are so undervalued and badly paid here - it is so unfair when they have such a huge responsibility and influence over the next generation, not to mention what I would imagine is a very exhausting job! Ryan goes to a home carer 2-3 days a week and we are very, very lucky that she is so flexible and accommodating. My mum has Ryan on her days off. She is a nurse and works rotating rosters so we can’t offer our home carer set days each month – they vary all the time according to my mum’s roster. We would be lucky to find another carer who would be happy to fit in with our schedules. The child care centres around Hobart have waiting lists of up to 2 years (!) so we would be totally stuck without our carer. It would be great to say ‘stay at home ’ but it is not a possibility right now.

I work in a large teaching hospital in the capital city of our State, a hospital which has the only neonatal unit in the State and some of the best paediatricians, however it does not have any childcare facilities for staff or visitors to the hospital. That would be my dream, (well, behind winning a lot of money and being able to quit work!) to have childcare facilities here at work for Ryan. Oh well, one day we might catch up to the rest of the world.

The day-care situation is even more dire for babies under 12 months. A lot of home carers are no longer taking them as they are obviously a lot more time consuming than toddlers. I had 7 months off work with Ryan and was lucky that our carer was happy to take him at that age. The situation would certainly be different if we were to have another baby as she has already told me that she is not taking any new children under the age of 12 months. I did not of course relay this information to DH as it would only add to his reasons for not having another baby...

CROCODILE HUNTER
I’m sure you must have heard about all the controversy surrounding Steve Irwin taking his mere weeks old baby into the crocodile enclosure. Boy, has he been dragged through the coals over that very stupid decision!! The Australian press have been having a field day. Now the jokes are starting to fly around email and the internet – it was only a matter of time... I am sure Steve Irwin adores his children but it was a very thoughtless and dangerous thing to do. If I were his wife, I would NEVER have allowed him to do that. I do hope you know what I’m rattling on about. I assume you have even heard of Steve Irwin??!!

AMERICAN IDOL
Apparently we are going to be seeing the 3rd series of American Idol on Aussie TV. The ads so far have focussed mainly on Simon, the judge and his acerbic comments. We never got to see the first 2 series so this will be interesting. I watched the recent World Idol programme and was mightily disappointed that Aussie Guy did not come further up the ranks! I heard a little rumour that Kelly Clarkson was NOT a happy girl after the results were announced??!

Well, I shall post this entry and then do some work....

Take care everyone


Sue & Ryan
www.babiesonline.com/babies/r/rg