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Passionate Parents
Keeping Love Alive After the Kids Arrive
By Johnathon Allen
"There's no way to ultimately define what good or bad sex is because the erotic experience is so personal," Hubbard says. "A good rule of thumb to follow is that if one of the partners consistently feels unfulfilled, there's an imbalance. When one person's tastes or appetites are radically different than the other's, tensions inevitably arise. At this point, it's a good idea for couples to seek counseling so they can define the incongruities and come up with a compromise that meets the needs of both individuals.
"Having vibrant sex is one of the foundations for feeling good about one's self, and life in general," Hubbard says. "In relationships where it's lacking, things just don't feel quite right. It's like trying to drive a car with only three wheels. A car that cruises on all four tires is more likely to go the distance, especially over rocky roads. And, believe it or not, having great sex is also one of the best things parents can do for their children because it makes the family unit feel more happy and stable. Parents are also the primary role models that kids look to when they begin defining their own sexual identities."
The impact on Mabry's relationship was significant. "Even though the sudden loss of sexual adventure was having an adverse effect on our marriage, we didn't automatically seek counseling," Mabry says. "Primarily because it took us a while to put a finger on exactly what the problem was. After the kids were old enough for us to leave them with Grandma for a weekend, we escaped to a romantic getaway at the coast and it was like someone had poured gasoline on smoldering coals. Suddenly the fire returned and we were like 'OH ... so that's what was missing.'"
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