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La Femme Nasty
Surviving Female Adolescence
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
The notion that parental laissez-faire is the best way to create an independent child is a widespread and defeating myth. According to Abigail Natenshon, author and creator of EmpoweredParents.com, when parents remain emotionally connected with their teenage girls, their kids become more capable of self-control and responsible self-care and decision-making.
"The nature of emotional connection can and must change through the child-rearing years to accommodate the growing child's increasing capacity and need for autonomy," says Natenshon. "But a quality connection of some sort must remain a constant. When a child has lost control, it is for the parent to step in and re-establish a sense of being in charge, if only until such time as the child is able to resume a degree of self-control."
Don't despair. All is not lost. With a bit of understanding, loving gestures and compromise, you can be a part of your daughter's world.
According to Naomi Drew, author of Hope and Healing: Peaceful Parenting in an Uncertain World, the most critical key of all is to find ways to enter your child's world. "Listen to her music with her, even if you hate it," says Drew. "Do some activities together that she likes, even if they're things you don't normally do like window-shopping at the mall. Take a genuine interest in what moves and motivates her. Each time you step into her world you create increased trust and openness, even if you can't see it right away."