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The Effects of Divorce on Toddlers
Tips for Making the Transition Easier on Small Children
By Emily Mendell
And for older toddlers:
- "Mommy and Daddy made this decision – you didn't make this happen."
- "You can't fix this even though you want to."
Once separated, parents should do all they can to maintain the consistency of the toddler's daily schedule. Disruption of the daily routine can be unsettling and even frightening for the child. Establishing predictable patterns, even if they are new patterns, will go a long way toward fostering a sense of security.
"If it's not possible to be consistent across households, it is still very helpful to maintain some consistent routines within each home," Dr. Greenberg says. "Simple rituals, like at bedtime, often help maintain a sense of normalcy that is reassuring for the young child."
Carla and her husband intend to continue to spend evenings together, at least initially, having dinner, bath and bedtime as a family before he leaves to sleep at his new home nearby. Gradually this routine may fade away but they hope the impact of the change will be mitigated.
They are clearly on the right track. If possible, toddlers should have frequent and consistent contact with both parents. Children should also be shielded from conflict between parents. Research has shown that children whose parents are able to function together have fewer difficulties. To that end, Carla and her husband are off to a great start. But there is no doubt they will have to work hard to help their boys adjust. There may be unexpected potholes as they move through this change. For instance, at some point, Dad may want to have the boys sleep over in his new home.
A child's ability to tolerate overnight visits with a non-custodial parent will be influenced by the child's individual coping skills and by the nature of the child's attachment to each parent," Dr. Greenberg says. "Toddlers who have older siblings may have less difficulty staying overnight at the non-custodial parent's home than toddlers who are visiting without the additional sibling support."