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Why Is Love So Hard?

The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love

Divorce. Heartache. Gut-wrenching arguments. Marriages filled with hurt feelings and repressed resentments. Sound all too familiar? You're not alone. Many of us find ourselves bewildered and dismayed by how difficult and painful "love" can be. We yearn for relationships that are better, more rewarding and just plain easier. In our hearts we know that love isn't supposed to be this way. So what are we doing wrong? And more to the point, what can we do to make our love relationships more, well, loving?

"So many of us unknowingly base our relationships on selfish love, which is a product of the ego and creates a need to control one's partner and to 'get' instead of 'give,'" says Susan Jeffers, author of The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love (Jeffers Press, 2005). "People don't do this maliciously, but rather from a sense of fear. The good news is that when you realize this truth – that your anger, blame and judgment are really fear in disguise – you can turn your relationship around. You can start practicing real love. And it's OK if your partner doesn't want to work on it with you – you can do it all by yourself."

So how do you begin? Here are just a few of Jeffers' many suggestions from The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love: