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Redefining Your Relationships
An Inside Look at Emotional Intimacy By Neilia Sherman
"Sharing thoughts and feelings is huge," says Katch. "It is extremely necessary." She adds that these thoughts and feelings should be meaningful, not trivial. "Some couples usually one partner and not the other will share every detail," she says. "This is overkill and usually pushes the other partner away."
Katch outlines the following 10 signs of achieving intimacy in a relationship:
- Trust
- Willingness to take risks with your partner
- Being authentic in the relationship
- Unconditional love
- Good listening, especially when it is most difficult
- Thinking of your partner first
- Having a fulfilling sexual relationship
- Commitment to the relationship
- Good communication, being honest even when you have to say things your partner doesn't want to hear
- The ability to know yourself
In fact, self-knowledge and self-acceptance are the cornerstones of intimacy with another individual. Unfortunately, these crucial steps in the process of relationship development often get neglected. You can't share your most intimate thoughts and feelings if you aren't in touch with them yourself. And if you don't believe that you are worthwhile, it will be difficult for your partner to convince you that you are.
Barkin, who met his girlfriend through the Internet, points out that "all jokes about Internet romance aside, it really does allow you to fast-track getting to know each other. You can dispense with all the formalities of a first date. There is no awkward silence, no worrying about one's appearance. You're simply able to communicate, uninhibited by what impression you're giving."
Angela Spiers of Newmarket, Ontario, views intimacy as "connecting with someone on almost a spiritual plane." She attributes the intimacy she has with her husband to taking the time to be together. "Taking time for each other increases chances for intimacy. Life's everyday hustle causes the intimate conversations and vibes to be drowned out of relationships; it is important to take the time to be together," she says.