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When Friendship
Becomes Unhealthy
Saying "Goodbye" to Toxic Friends By Shannon McKelden
Due to sometimes crazy and hectic lives, many women turn to their friends for comfort, support and a bit of fun. We bond with our girlfriends in a way we can't always bond with our family members or even our spouses.
But what happens when a friendship starts to feel uncomfortable? What if you suspect one of these so-called friends really isn't?
When spending time with a friend leaves you tense, frustrated, angry or upset, it may be time to reevaluate how healthy this relationship really is.
- Do you feel badly about yourself, put down or demeaned often when you're with them?
- Do you tend to give more to the friendship than you get back?
- Do aspects of this friend and/or this relationship remind you of someone in the past who treated you poorly?
- Do you feel unusually dependent on them or them on you, more so than your other friends?
"If you answer 'yes' to any of these questions, you need to consider whether this is a friendship worth keeping as is," Dr. Davis says.
Erin Eisenberg of Redmond, Wash., found herself in such a situation. Her close relationship with a high school friend was based on their youth group activities and love of books. When Eisenberg moved cross-country, they kept in contact through e-mail and phone calls.
But things began to change. "I found myself taking longer and longer to reply to e-mails because they were all about her dramas," Eisenberg says. "I also became aware that her drama was not my drama. I didn't need it in my life, as it did nothing for me."
Heather Cook of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, had a toxic friend who had been her roommate and coworker and felt more like a sister than merely a friend. But, as time went on, Cook noticed this friend frequently cut people down, sometimes even people Cook herself considered to be good friends.