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When Friendship
Becomes Unhealthy

Saying "Goodbye" to Toxic Friends

By Shannon McKelden

Sometimes, though, it's easier just to let the friendship die from neglect. Stephanie Mayo, a marketing professional from Dallas, Texas, has had a few toxic friendships in her life. Some of those relationships she was able to turn around, but others had to end.

Though Mayo once confronted a friend about ending a relationship, she since has changed her mind about how to handle toxic friendships. "As I get older I don't have the energy to waste on ... someone who doesn't seem to care about me that much," Mayo says. "So I can usually let an unfulfilling 'friendship' fade away by ceasing to reach out and to respond or turning down opportunities to get together without offering alternatives."

Mandel suggests weaning yourself away from your friend if that is more comfortable. "Cut your conversations short on the phone; cancel or shorten some of your outings together or simply meet one another in a group where others can fill the awkward gaps," she says. "Gradually, the friendship will wane and end."

Both Mandel and Dr. Davis suggest, however, that ending a friendship can leave a painful gap in our lives no matter how unhealthy that relationship was. "Give yourself time to grieve and get your feelings out," says Mandel.

Dr. Davis advises reminding yourself that you are not ending this friendship for nothing. "You're ending it hopefully for the right reasons: that the healthier parts of you outgrew the negative, harmful aspects of the friendship, and you seek to move on to develop a better you," she says.