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Talk Isn't Cheap
Why Good Communication Keeps the Spark Alive
By Heather Johnson Durocher
Just how easy is it, especially as parents of a baby or toddler (or both), to let the simple act of conversing with your spouse come last on that seemingly never-ending to-do list? Too easy, isn't it? As strongly as we may agree that setting aside time to talk is important for a quality marriage, actually doing so is an entirely different matter.
Alyice Edrich discovered just how badly her busy schedule took a toll on her ability to communicate with her husband – and subsequently, how close they felt to each other – about three years ago.
"We realized we really hadn't spoken in about a month, because of our hectic lifestyle," says Edrich, a mother of two who lives in Merrill, Wis. Fortunately, she says, they took action right away to break that pattern.
"We found a babysitter, and rented a hotel for the evening," she says. "We actually drove an hour away to get to the hotel so it felt like we were 'away on vacation.' We got dressed up, went to a nice restaurant, and pretended we were not married, but on a date. We 'acted' like we were really interested in knowing each other and began asking 'first date' type of questions. We had been married 10 years at that time, and we still learned something new about each other. It was a wonderful evening."
Edrich and her husband have managed to keep the lines of communication open since then. "Today, we make time for small dates, like going out to lunch ... I am glad to see we have not let our communication fall away."
Whether it's by taking a kid-free vacation, spending an evening out or simply retreating to the back porch together after the children are asleep, happily married couples and marriage experts agree that making time to communicate is key to a successful union.
"Parents often forget that the couple relationship needs time, too," says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction (New Page Books, February 2003) and How To Be a Couple and Still Be Free