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The Right Words
Talk to Your Daughter About the Human Body
By Kelly Burgess
By about age 12, a child should probably know the basics of sex. How much detail you, as a parent, want to go into is up to you. Do keep this in mind, however: Children will get the information wherever they can, sometimes when they don't even want it. Of course, lunch table and playground discussions are good for this sort of thing.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that direct questions should always be met with direct answers and not flippant remarks. This does a disservice to your child. If you can't think of what to say right off the bat, tell them you'll talk about it later, do some research, talk to your spouse, whatever, and then bring it up by saying something like, "You know, honey, earlier when you asked me what 'doing it' means, I was busy, but this is what it means." That gives you a chance to collect your thoughts and choose your words. If they ask uncomfortable questions such as, "Did you and Daddy do that?" calmly explain that the relations of each married person is private, but in general, this is what happens.
While the details of sexual intercourse are more than likely the question you're dreading, you need to learn to think outside of the box in order to keep your teen safe. Both Mallak and Weston express concern with the apparentrise in oral sex among children as young as 11. Surprising as this may be, some children don't seem to view the act as sex and don't seem to realize it's inappropriate behavior for young people. Oral sex also carries risk for disease, so you may want to think about letting your child understand that it isn't a game.