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A Really, Really Big Christmas

I just don't get it. Why can't my near-perfect husband get within a rack or five of my size?

By Gwen Kopetzky

Are you about the same size as your wife? Hold your potential purchase up against yourself and model in a mirror to see how it might fit her. Is it a little too big? A little too tailored at the hips or snug through the tummy? (Actually, I just put this one in to make you feel less silly asking the sales clerk. Does it seem like a better idea now?)

I can't say this enough. If you can't bring yourself to look at tags, ask your wife or talk to a sales clerk, stay small or at least keep the size you buy under your wife's age unless you know for sure that's right. By the way, those two numbers -- clothing size and age -- aren't at all related after girls turn about 14 years old. I don't know if anyone ever tells men that.

I bet by now you think me a complete snob more interested in my appearance than the obvious thought and care that my husband puts into shopping for me.

Just stop it.

You wouldn't believe what my closet holds. Unless I have to keep the ensemble on by tying twine around my waist or taping the floppy things to my feet, I don't take back the clothes my husband buys me. I may only wear the voluminous garments around the house, but I will not hurt my husband's feelings. Appreciation for my spouse is much more important than my attire.

Oh, and for those of you who were waiting for me to point the guys toward the jewelry department: At one time I thought that was the answer. But today I have half a jewelry box full of clunky earrings and loud pins from Christmases past that say otherwise. Of course, I must say they do complement my anaphylactic grape outfit to perfection.