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Do Time-Outs Work for Toddlers?
Two Moms and an Expert Sound Off By Donna Smith
Pantley, the mother of four, practices what she preaches. "Just yesterday my 22-month-old son, Coleton, was throwing rocks in our pond, which happened to be filled with a family of ducks. A simple request to 'stop' was ignored. An attempt to remove the rocks from his hand started a bit of tugging and foot stamping. I'll tell you that as an experienced parent educator and mother of four, I knew that Coleton's intent was not to disobey me. I knew that he was simply following the whims of his curious, active toddler mind. I picked him up and carried him away from the pond. A few minutes of 'time-out' away from the ducks, and some discussion about the hardness of rocks versus the softness of ducks was enough to change his behavior. When we returned to the pond we talked about how the rocks could hurt the ducks. He tucked his little hands behind his back and together we watched the ducks swim.
"Parents need to know that time-out is only a Band-Aid. While it can succeed in putting a stop to a child's aggressive or impulsive action, it does not teach a child what he should be doing instead. A young child will feel strong emotions that may result in hitting, biting, tantrums, yelling or rock throwing. The emotions at the core of the action are real, and they won't simply go away. It's a parent's job to help a child calm down, understand his feelings and learn appropriate ways to deal with those feelings. So, after a time-out, once the child has calmed down, the parent can walk him back to the play area with a reminder, such as: 'Remember, it's not nice to hit. Play nicely now.' The parent's job doesn't end there. A parent needs to stay nearby and watch for potential problems and step in early to help a child deal with strong feelings in an appropriate way, thus avoiding the need for frequent time-outs."