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Crossing the Line
When Shopping Becomes a Compulsion By Stacey Porto
Once in therapy I discovered I was a compulsive spender. Not what I expected to find out. I never knew this addiction even existed. It became clear to me when the therapist asked me to make a list of all the items I had purchased and never used. I pulled them out to view in plain sight: pots and pans, dinnerware, jewelry, candles, appliances, shoes and clothing with the price tags. These things were spread all over my apartment and on the bed. I was startled at the amount of stuff I'd never used, years' worth, and started to cry at the thought of how sick I really was. That was the most pivotal moment of my life. Nothing could be the same. I was acutely aware of this problem now with every purchase.
Be it self-esteem, control, a distraction from pain or emptiness, loneliness or for excitement, whatever the underlying needs of the compulsion are, a person needs to find healthy ways of meeting these needs, says Benson. She cites some healthy ways such as going to the movies, calling a friend or taking a walk or a bath. Focusing energy in a more community-oriented direction and interacting with people, she says, goes even further. "Compulsive spenders are often really isolated," she says. "They hide who they really are from themselves and other people. Getting outside of ourselves is enormously gratifying and keeps us from being alone."
Changing their relationship to money is also important for recovering compulsive spenders, according to Olivia Mellan, psychotherapist and national speaker on money psychology and author of Overcoming Overspending: A Winning Plan for Spenders and Their Partners