quick clicks

moms today articles

moms today q&a

community & groups

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

Crossing the Line

When Shopping Becomes a Compulsion

By Stacey Porto

Clothing was my biggest fix but anything would do: CDs, books, magazines and household and beauty products. Often I never used the things I bought. Clothes would hang in the closet for weeks, maybe months with the tags still on them. I thought I'd need to return them to pay a bill, plus it gave me a good reason to get back into the store. Sometimes, I felt too guilty to wear them.

Referred to as the "smiled-upon" addiction, compulsive spending may not be taken as seriously as other addictions such as alcohol, gambling, food or sex. Consumption fuels our economy, Benson says, and if people didn't spend, then what would happen to our country? Just like an alcoholic who has societal pressure to drink on special occasions and holidays, shopping is encouraged by the materialistic culture in which we live.

But compulsive spenders have the same motives as other addicts. "All compulsive behaviors are designed to counteract some kind of internal void," says Benson. She says that compulsive behavior usually occurs in people with low self-esteem and who have a propensity toward depression. Substances are used as an attempt to enliven oneself or soothe, comfort and anesthetize.

Low self-esteem is a key motive behind compulsive spending. "Shopping can be, when it's done non-compulsively, an important activity for self-enhancement, self-fulfillment and creativity," says Benson. It's a way of defining and expressing ourselves. But if we are buying to enhance our sense of worth, she says, we are never going to get what we are looking for. "We are looking for things to fill in holes that things just cannot fill."

When I was 38, I was $18,000 in debt and decided to declare bankruptcy. Relentless creditors' calls and financial hardship caused me great stress and grief. I also decided to see a counselor, not for my financial difficulties, but because I knew something was wrong emotionally.

Want to see more?

• Save Money Now: How to Successfully Begin the Process
• Digging Out of Holiday Debt: How to Survive This Year and Plan for Next Year
• Motherhood: The Invisible Profession
• Giving Too Much: How to Say "No" Guilt-Free
• Talk about it!