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My Better Half
Mommy's Split Personality By Jennifer M. Paquette
King Solomon only thought he had a problem: Take a baby, split it in half and whoever begs you to stop is the real mother easy! It's splitting the mother in half that causes real problems.
Half of me works as a software tester, the other as a mommy, but those halves haven't always been equal. The company's needs always came first, making me think twice about staying home with a sick kid or attending school events.
At first, I was happy to work, turning my kids over to loving babysitters. But it hurts, watching them grow up without me, and I think I made a mistake. They're in a fine daycare with highly trained staff. But the minute my son called me by his teacher's name, I forgot how skilled that teacher was and realized she'd never love him as much as he deserves.
My daughter still begs me every morning not to leave her behind. She would gladly trade an action-packed day at school for a day at home with me. I used to think I was being overly sentimental, feeling guilty at her pleas. But shouldn't somebody be listening to her, even just a little? I only regret not hearing her sooner.
Everybody tells me my children will benefit from my working in a job that interests and satisfies me. Studies reassure working parents that daycare kids aren't missing out. Has our society really devalued parents and children to that extent, affirming that my contribution to my kids is basically worthless?
Reluctantly, I admit that I have subconsciously absorbed those attitudes. When I'm pulled in two directions, my mommy half automatically gives. I rush out in the morning, but dawdle at work finishing up anything else would be "unprofessional."
I don't like what that says about my essential worth. At my job, I'm replaceable. To my kids, I will never be. So I've resolved not to let this happen any more; my children will never take second place to a job description my workplace has created and could cut from the payroll tomorrow.