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Confessions of A Tooth Fairy

By Donna Smith

I admit: I'm a horrible Tooth Fairy. I think someone should remind hopeful parents -- when deciding whether or not to have children -- that one day you will be expected to sneak into a child's room, remove a tooth the size of a small pea without waking them up, and always have money with which to replace it. This information needs to be included in all of those parenting books out there so we know what to expect.

Remembering is the hard part. When my kid shows me his freshly fallen out -- still a little bloody -- tooth, we celebrate. He tells me all the things he's going to do with the money he gets from the Tooth Fairy. I then make a mental note NOT to forget this time like I did with my oldest daughter a few weeks before. Don't forget. Don't forget. Don't forget. I WON'T forget. But I do!

My 2-year-old, who happens to be my third and last child, doesn't have a chance. I should just walk up to her now, hand her $20 and say, "Here's $20.00. There is no Tooth Fairy. Please deposit your teeth as they fall out into the second drawer from the bottom in my jewelry box. That's where you'll find your brother's and sister's teeth." She'll understand -- won't she?

My oldest two have even told the dentist on me. At my son's last 6-month checkup, he asked the dentist why the Tooth Fairy is always on vacation. I hid behind the copy of Dentistry Today I was reading. I could feel the dentist's eyes staring at me through the magazine. My son went on to say that it's really not fair that the Tooth Fairy gets to take two vacations a year when his family only takes one a year. "And that's to visit my Grandma -- who has no teeth," he adds.