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Affirming Your Children's Voice
How and When to Encourage Your Child to Speak Up
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
"Stop interrupting me when I'm talking."
"You have to learn to speak up for yourself."
"You ask too many questions."
"Tell me with words. I don't understand whining."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Don't bug me when I'm on the phone."
"You should have brought that concern to me."
These phrases and others like them are sending mixed messages to our children. They are telling them this: Talk, but don't talk. I want to hear your opinion, but not all the time. It's no wonder many of our children are confused about when and how to access their own voice.
Children don't automatically know when and how to speak up. They don't understand the appropriate times to interrupt. Nor do they often demonstrate the skills that will enable them to speak up effectively. They don't understand the power of words and how to use them to create change in their lives.
The most effective way for children to learn when and how to speak up is for you to teach them. If you want children to learn to use their voice in appropriate ways at appropriate times, you have to help them.
Below are suggestions for when and how to encourage your child to create his or her own voice so he or she can become an empowered, confident, self-responsible youngster.
Children need to speak up when...
1. They need help.
Children need help stacking blocks, reaching toys on a high shelf, writing a thank you letter, understanding a math concept, handling a peer relationship and in many other situations as they move through each developmental stage. Some situations they can handle themselves. Others they cannot. A key component to becoming independent is knowing when and how to ask for help.
2. They want something.