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Baby No. 3

What Do You Do When Just One's Content with Two Children?

By Emily Mendell

When no progress is being made toward resolution it often can be helpful to mutually agree to wait and revisit the situation after a few months. But ultimately, if the impasse remains, healthy closure is required. "You can only have so many conversations about the decision," Ripkin says. "Eventually you have to stop."

In the case where one person wants the third but has to give up this plan, expect a mourning process that includes denial, sadness and anger. These feelings of compromise should be recognized and appreciated by the prevailing spouse. Communication about feelings is paramount. Eventually, this person can come to a resolution by recognizing why the third child was important in the first place and trying to address that need elsewhere in a positive manner.

This guidance was helpful and I began to look at all sides of the equation rationally. I was not terribly enthusiastic about another seven years of childcare costs. I didn't particularly relish the first three years of baby proofing and not being able to shower without calling in reserves. And we were really just starting to be able to move quickly as a family, in and out of the car, to parties and family events and on vacations without a stroller or sippy cups. And despite my feeble attempts to convince my husband that "I promise I'll take care of it all by myself," we both knew better.

For us, it was time for some time off from this conversation. I will bring it up again in a few months if I feel the need. We just got a puppy – a little girl. And that might do the trick. But the crib and the baby clothes are staying.

For now.

The Best Laid Plans Sometimes a compromise can be made, depending, of course, on the reasons someone is reluctant to have a third. Lynn Smith, a mother of three from Houston, Texas, had mentioned to her husband routinely that she wanted a third. His response was always that he was worried about paying for college for three, plus everything else that comes along with raising a child. "Then one night, he told me that if we waited a year so we could pay off our credit card debt, he was in," Smith says. "I was estactic, and agreed. One year would fly by." What do they say about the best laid plans? Two weeks later, Smith and her husband found out that sometimes things happen when they want to happen. "I found out about two weeks later that I was pregnant," she says. "We did pay off the credit card debt; I just did it while my waistline grew." Nine months later a little girl joined the Smith family. "I like to joke with my daughter that she wasn't an accident – she was just early!"

Want to see more?

• Baby Gear Safety: Should You Use Second-hand Equipment?
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• The Turnaround: Unexpectedly Stepping into Parenthood
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