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Mediate ... Me? (Yes, You)

10 Ways to Help People Settle Their Differences

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Krivis serves corporations and individuals from all walks of life, helping them settle disputes before they end up in the courtroom. His book, which is packed with stories from his own career, reveals some fascinating ways he and other mediators have helped people stop beating their metaphorical heads against metaphorical brick walls and reach creative, mutually beneficial solutions.

What, exactly, is negotiation? Krivis says it's reframing a situation in order to get people to shift their positions in a way that makes a resolution possible. His own formula for negotiation is as follows:

Instinct + Information = Intuition
Intuition + Knowledge = Improvisation

In short, negotiation is part art and part science. You needn't become a certified mediator in order to settle a dispute. You just need to understand some basics about human behavior, practice the fine art of paying attention and offer yourself up as a neutral party who just wants to resolve the problem.

Here are 10 insights and tricks of the trade Krivis suggests you use:

1. Let people tell their story.
When a person is deeply upset about something, she really needs to get her story out. This is a basic principle of mediation, and one that's important to remember when trying to resolve a conflict with an angry spouse, co-worker or neighbor. Yes, allowing people to speak their minds can increase the level of conflict with which you must deal. That's OK. You have to get through the conflict phase to find the solution. Feeling that she has finally "been heard" can dramatically change an angry person's outlook. Plus, as she tells her story, new information may come to light that allows a solution to naturally emerge.


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