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Home › Articles › Relationships › All Alone

All Alone

When Your Only Child Leaves Home

By Gwen Morrison

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A Myth?
"The empty nest syndrome is a bit overrated," says Paul Coleman, Psy.D., author of nine books, including, How to Say It to Your Child When Bad Things Happen: Good Answers to Tough Questions. "It suggests a painful time of transition for parents as they get accustomed to the lack of children and the need to reorganize their life around their mate. On average, parents cope very well with this transition."

Coleman feels that often the feelings are contrary to what most parents believe them to be. "Married men often look at this time of their lives as the happiest – they are no longer climbing a career ladder, there are fewer worries about children and more opportunities for closeness with their wives," he says. "Couples with only one child are often younger when the nest is empty compared to couples who have more children. If the marriage is sound, these couples still feel youthful – they may only be in their 40s – and still look forward to a full life."

Newman also feels that the subject of "empty nest" is overemphasized. "Not all parents are sad; some in fact are happy," she says. "They are pleased with the parenting job they've done that allows their children to go off on their own and be independent."

<> Crystal Kirby of London, Ontario remembered feeling a sense of accomplishment when her only daughter left home to be married. "She had lived at home during college, and it was time for her to be on her own, and ... it was time for my husband and I to be on our own, too," she says. "My daughter and I are extremely close, and with her out on her own, I don't feel any less close to her. Actually, I feel like we have more in common now than ever. Our relationship has evolved into one of maturity and common respect for each other. The mother-daughter thing will always be there, but now she's my friend, too."

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