All Alone

When Your Only Child Leaves Home

By Gwen Morrison

You've cared for, nagged at and laughed with your only child for almost two decades – and now he's leaving home. You knew it would happen, but are you prepared?

It may be surprising to discover that it's the parents who have raised one child who are often the most prepared to let go when it comes time for their child to fly the coop. "Parents with more children often depend on those left at home and then are shocked when the last child leaves because they never thought it would happen," says Susan Newman, a New Jersey-based social psychologist and author of Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only. "Parents with one seem to know their child will leave at some point and tend to be more prepared; they know they have no 'cushion,' so to speak."

When your only child leaves home, there is an adjustment period. There will be obvious and abrupt changes in the daily routine that will become less foreign as time passes. This is a new stage in your life and the life of your child; it will take time to find your way. It's important to take small steps in the early months after your child leaves home.

"I tell parents to wait for six months or a year before you decide to relocate," says Newman. "You want your child to be able to come back to what he knows – his house, his room, his friends."

Newman says a parent who is suffering from sadness should admit it to their spouse – and themselves. She says it is best not to discuss your personal feelings of loss with your child who is coping with his own changing issues. "If the sadness is interfering with functioning, find a professional to talk to," she says. "Sadness is caused by the void left, and until you can adjust, it's a good idea to keep yourself busy."

Want to see more?

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• Talk about it!