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Men at Work
Doing Your Part to Repair
a Rocky Relationship By Carma Haley Shoemaker
a Rocky Relationship
It is often said that marriage is a two-way street. So then, why do many believe that it is a woman's job to "fix" things when the marriage hits hard times? Men should and do have just as much ability to put 
forth an effort to rekindle, refocus and/or repair the relationship.
"First of all, it is a common misconception that it is always the woman who is seeking external resources and support to strengthen relationships," says Courtney Knowles, spokesperson for the Equality in Marriage Institute. "In reality, over 30 percent of our visitors to the 'During Marriage' section of [the Equality in Marriage] Web site are men seeking support in improving relationships. Since men or the father figure are often looked at as the less emotional and communicative person in the household, they may not be as open or forthcoming about their efforts, but the efforts are there."
When it comes to other aspects in a man's life, you can often see the effort, the importance and the energy that he invests. A man who wants to save or build his marriage must give the same things to the relationship as he does to these other aspects.
"I always tell guys that they need to make their relationship a priority," says Robert J. Nachshin, a certified family law specialist at Nachshin & Weston in Los Angeles, Calif. "I tell them to make a list of what is important to them, and if their relationship with their wife isn't at the top of that list, they have a major problem! Once they've established that their relationship is, in fact, a priority, I recommend they treat it as such. Two ways in which to do that are to make time every day for meaningful communication and to keep the romance alive. I also suggest they beef up their listening skills to not only what is said, but unsaid (subtext), as well. These basics, over time, definitely create more bonding with any couple."
