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Dating After Divorce
By Carma Haley
However, there are times when children will refuse to accept a new person in their father's life. Children may feel threatened, they may feel as if the father is attempting to replace their mother, or they may just not like Dad's choice and so may act out inappropriately. If this happens, you must talk with your children to find out what's behind their feelings, addressing them each individually. And pay attention to what they have to say.
"Maybe the kids are right and will save you a lot of grief. Secondly, if the woman is acting inappropriately around the kids, you should talk to her about her behavior," Tessina says. "However, if the children are just being kids and showing off or testing her, then you should talk to them."
Hayes believes his children would be accepting of a new woman in his life, but he's also ready to handle any problems that may arise.
"If a problem should happen, I would sit them down and let them know that I don't love them any less," Hayes says. "I'd explain to them that nothing has changed between us and that this new person in my life is not taking their place, but that I have enough room in my heart to not only love them, but to love someone else, too."
The old adage of "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again," may hold some merit regarding dating after divorce. However, trying too hard or moving too fast may only create heartache -- for you and your children. Instead, learn from your mistakes and move carefully forward.
"If you examine past problems, and explore new solutions, you can do it better this time," Tessina says.
