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Dating After Divorce
By Carma Haley
Divorce can be stressful and scary. But what can be even scarier is your return to dating. How, you may ask, does a divorced man with children incorporate dating into his life?
It's not easy, says Carlton Stell, divorced father of four from Petersburg, Va.
"I got married so I didn't have to date anymore," Stell says. "I can remember the nerves, the bad dates, the wondering whether or not I should or could call -- I didn't want to have to do it all again."
Dating is one of the most feared areas for divorced people -- especially men, reports Parents without Partners, an international nonprofit organization devoted to the welfare and interests of single parents and their children. Often men feel that they are too old or too overweight, or that women don't want to date men who already have children.
"Already having kids, I figured that getting a date or having a girlfriend would be a little more complicated," Stell says. "I worried about whether my kids would like the girls I dated or if the girls I dated would want to get involved with a guy who already had a family."
Once you do start dating, you must decide how to introduce your children to the new person in your life.
Avoid making the situation a major event, says Tina Tessina, author of "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again."
"If you are going to the movies, to a party, out to dinner, or for a round of golf, just say that's what you're doing and present it as if you were going out with any friend, or perhaps your sister," Tessina says. "Children shouldn't have to deal with any romantic aspect until the relationship really is a relationship. By then, they should have had a chance to get to know this friend, so they won't be surprised or feel pressured."
