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Relations Rift
When Conflict Divides the Family
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
"To often family members spend an inordinate amount of time and energy attempting to resolve problems that have such a lengthy history of habit, or of genetic predisposition, that they distract themselves from all the positive strengths they possess as a family," Dr. Koval says. "It is easy to say, 'We agree to disagree.' It is harder to actually do so."
"I have pretty much cut communication altogether," says Candace Priore from Columbus, Ohio. "I have not spoken to one of my sisters for almost a year. I wouldn't rectify the situation if I could. I'm not waiting for an apology to end it, and she thinks she is right so would never give one anyway. My advice to others is if the fight or feud is over something silly, let it go; be the bigger person. If it is something big then wait until you can keep a cool head about it, then approach the person and try to talk it out. If they aren't willing then let it go for the time being. They will come around eventually."
A rift in the family unit can cause a lot of headache and heartache. It may only be a matter of time until it is resolved; but it is time lost. "A family conflict is like an illness and must be dealt with as soon as possible," Dr. Karres says. "It affects the immediate parties involved plus the rest of the family. Fortunately, the conflict can be overcome and the rift healed. Of course, the longer the conflict has been going on, the more difficult it is to heal it, but it's never too late to make the effort."
