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A Place for Me
Environmental Changes to Ease Sibling Rivalry in Toddlers and Preschoolers
By Kelly Burgess
"As very young children learn to work out problems with a sibling they're learning how to work through problems they'll eventually encounter out in the real world," Dr. Berman says. "The fact that these encounters occur first in the home is good, because that's a safe learning environment."
Dr. Berman suggests that children have inviolate possessions or spaces, such as their own room that their siblings are not allowed to touch or enter. If they do so, there should be consequences that are fairly enforced. For those families who can't manage separate rooms, Dr. Berman suggests something as simple as a piece of tape down the middle of the room or separate corners with a bean bag chair and a basket of the appropriate child's toys – anything that gives them a sense of ownership
For parents who struggle with bathroom sharing issues, Dr. Berman says convert a part of the bedroom into a dressing area with a vanity, a mirror and grooming items. This will minimize wait times and conflict.
Also, parents should model respectful behavior, such as knocking before entering a bathroom or bedroom, and then waiting for permission to enter. Encourage younger siblings to ask older siblings if they want to play with one of their belongings, but teach them to respect the "no" answer.
Dr. Berman says that much of the solution to sibling rivalry is merely learning to respect one another and this can start at a very young age. Part of that learning means understanding that everyone has their personal space that should not be violated.
"Children need to be able to say no and to expect people to respect their boundaries and limits," Dr. Berman says. "We do not want them to grow into people who say yes to everything and everyone just because they're told they always have to be nice."
