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Baby No. 3

What Do You Do When Just One's Content with Two Children?

By Emily Mendell

"Chances are a third child is going to put more stress onto a marriage," Ripkin says. "It is easy to forget how lack of sleep, a crying baby and a new set of never-ending responsibilities puts pressures on everyone. If the marriage is already in trouble, this won't help."

Parents should also think long and hard about these stressors of a third child, especially if the child is being considered to fill a hole or a void in someone's life. "Children are not necessarily in the business of making their parents happy," Ripkin says. "If you think you just want a new, little baby, think again. It's not like test driving a car. You can't return it. You parent for life. You have to want a 13-year-old as much as a 13-week-old."

Also, cultural issues and societal pressure often compel people to have more children. Moms and dads could be subconsciously channeling the wishes of their own parents. If this is the only reason for having more children, it would be wise to reassess.

Lastly, some women identify themselves as being a mom first and as their children get older they ask themselves, "If that job is done, then who am I?" While Ripken is quick to point out that there is nothing wrong with this particular rationale, it is important to acknowledge, especially if you find yourself on the losing end of the debate.

Given that I felt relatively stable in life and had no outside pressures to reproduce any further, I found myself mostly relating to the thrd child filling a void scenario. But could that void be filled by something else? And was I being selfish in asking for something so big that it would impact everyone around me? These were the right questions to ask.

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• Arguing Over Baby Names: Why Do Problems Arise and How Can Couples Overcome Them?
• The Turnaround: Unexpectedly Stepping into Parenthood
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