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Baby No. 3
What Do You Do When Just One's Content with Two Children?
By Emily Mendell
Ripken's assessment of this situation is that it is a much more complex decision with many drivers to consider beyond my rationale, which was "I just want another!" "How many children in your own family plays a part in how it's going to go for you," Ripken says. "It is not as simple as if you came from three children, you'll want to have three children. You also have to take into account whether you liked your own family dynamic."
Not coincidentally, my husband came from a family of two children and I came from three. We both liked our families just fine. What next?
When faced with a situation where one spouse wants another child and one does not, you need to look at the larger picture and answer some questions beyond whether you're ready to move from man-to-man to a zone defense, including the following:
- How will this impact us financially?
- Who will be the primary caregiver and does that person have more bandwidth?
- What stresses will a third child place on each member of the family?
- How will the siblings react and will it be a healthy environment?
- Why this third child? Why now?
Ripken strongly recommends answering this last question and examining your motivations for wanting the third. Some reasons are emotionally healthier than others but she points out that "if you can be aware of your motives, at least you are making the decision honestly."
There are several reasons for wanting another child that Ripken cautions against acting upon. One of hese is that you might be trying to fix a marriage that is damaged. The idea of another child may have bonding effects for the spouses in the beginning, but that feeling is likely a fleeting one once reality sets in.
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