Child in Charge

Is Your Child Ready to Care for Siblings?

By Heather V. Long

It is a coming-of-age moment for many boys and girls: being left alone to care for yourself or your siblings. Today, with both parents working, older children are called upon to "pick up the slack." But how can parents know if their older children are up for the challenge?

"It's a progression," says Dayna Jornsay-Hester, the community education coordinator at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh, Pa. "Some 11- or 12-year-olds are not ready for their own care, much less caring for others. Some kids are squeamish about being home alone."

"The Safe-Sitter program is aimed at 11- to 13-year-olds," says Jornsay-Hester. "This is the age that kids usually begin to look after other kids. One of the things we try to impress on the kids is the injury prevention component and that they are not only responsible for themselves but for this child they are looking after."

Lisa Easterling, a mother of five from Brandon, Fla., goes by the personality of each child. "Our 22-year-old was very mature at a young age, but he had four younger siblings, and since those included babies and toddlers, we thought that was a lot of responsibility to put on his shoulders," she says. "He didn't babysit until he was 15."

"I think this is up to the individual child," says Jeanni Brosius, award-winning syndicated columnist and mother of two from Southeast Arkansas. "My daughter stayed at home for short stints when she was about 12, and she began babysitting at 13. She is 17 now and a very responsible young woman. My son is 11 years old currently, and I wouldn't trust him to stay home alone as far as I could throw him. He's the kind of child that would light something on fire to see it burn."

"The program we offer is available nationwide and there are other classes such as 'Alone at Home' that can be educational for both the children and the parents," says Jornsay-Hester. "Boys and girls both attend, and the class attempts to teach them: What would you do if? When is it appropriate to call 911? and other useful information. For example, you really need to impress on an 11- year-old that you can't take your eyes off the 2-year-old, not even for a minute. And when you get the baby to sleep, don't just ignore them for several hours, go in and check on the child periodically. You'll find that some 11-year-olds will have a harder time with an 8-year-old than a 3-year-old."

"Our next youngest is also very mature and responsible," says Easterling. "So he started babysitting the younger siblings at around age 14 for short periods of time when we weren't going to be gone long and could be easily reached. Our next youngest just turned 12, and the younger children are 10 and 8 years old. I'm not sure at this point when we will feel comfortable allowing him to watch out for his younger siblings."

Brosius explains the responsibilities to her son by pointing out examples of how his sister is responsible without trying to compare them or make her sound better than him. "His wonderful, curious and adventuresome nature is a wonderful trait, but sometimes it can get him into trouble," she says. "I also tell him ways he can show responsibility like keeping his room clean without my asking, feeding the animals, etc. This will show me when he is ready to take on more, like staying home alone while I go to the grocery store."

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