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Advice Avalanche

Handling Unsolicited Opinions About Parenting

By Melinda Copp

"Everybody gives advice, and most people's advice is well-meant," says Debbie Thompson, a neonatal clinical specialist at Children's Medical Center Dallas. "Just say thank you, listen to it, weed through it to see if it makes sense and then let it go."

One major concern to keep in mind is that when you start getting advice from parents and grandparents, understand that guidelines change over time and the advice you're receiving may not be current.

"If it's a technique to try that will calm your fussy baby or something that helps put them to sleep, as long as it's nothing dangerous, then the advice can help," Thompson says. "But anything to do with herbs, medicine, formula or anything internalized by the baby, follow the guidelines of your pediatrician."

New moms often feel insecure in their capabilities. Although you may lack hands-on parenting experience, you make up for it by loving your child and following your instincts. So don't let your insecurities lead you astray when someone offers advice that is outdated or doesn't make sense to you.

"It's important to always trust your own instincts," Dr. Brown says. "If your instincts tell you an idea sounds plausible or worth listening to, that's fine. If it doesn't sound like it makes sense, or has the potential to be dangerous, get a real expert's opinion before trying it out on your child."

As a mother, know that you will never do anything to hurt your child and allow your own good sense to lead you toward solutions.

Ne moms need advice when they've tried everything they can think of to solve a problem and nothing seems to work. In other words, you need advice when you run out of ideas. And moms need support when they've had a bad day and feel like screaming in frustration. Although advice and support are different, new moms need both.

"Ask for advice when you're in the mood to hear the answer," says Amy Tiemann, founder of www.MojoMom.com and author of the iParenting Media Award-winning book Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self While Raising a Family

Want to see more?

• Check out our Article Library.
• To Panic or Not to Panic: Understanding Common Newborn Conditions
• Not By the Book: Advice for Parents of Babies Who Don't Follow the Rules
• Newborn Worries: Your Top 10 Questions – Answered!
• Talk about it!

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