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Home › Articles › Real Relationships › Marriage Without Criticism

Marriage Without Criticism

Straight Talk for Men and Women

By Marty Friedman, author of Straight Talk for Men About Marriage – What Men Need to Know About Marriage (And What Women Need to Know About Men)

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So if harsh criticism is hurtful, what's the alternative? Here are some specific recommendations:

  • Instead of criticizing, make a simple request. Make your request loving and specific and tell your husband how much the new behavior would mean to you.
  • After you've requested what you want, back off and give your man room to deliver. Men love to feel they're independent. Never hover around waiting for the changes you want.
  • Present the issue as a problem for which you need help. Ask a "how to" question: "How do you think we can get all this done?" Remember, he is not the problem – getting the housework or child care done is the problem. Ask your man to come up with options and make suggestions.
  • Make it personal. "Honey, it would mean a lot to me if you would clean up the dishes on the nights I cook. Would you be willing to take that on?"
  • Don't call a special meeting to discuss housework or child care. In fact, you're better off keeping the whole conversation low key. If you call a special meeting, your man is likely to feel it's going to be another "relationship talk" and he will be told what he's doing wrong. He'll put up immediate defenses and tune you out or argue with you. Try talking when you are both engaged in another activity, such as gardening or riding in the car.

    Above all, don't belittle or criticize our man for his failings. Build on all the great things he does, rather than criticizing all he doesn't do.

    Learn more at www.meninmarriage.com.


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