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Marriage Without Criticism
Straight Talk for Men and Women
By Marty Friedman, author of Straight Talk for Men About Marriage – What Men Need to Know About Marriage (And What Women Need to Know About Men)
What men hear too often, however, is how far they are from pleasing their wives, whether it's housework, hygiene or communication. Every man no doubt needs to make changes to become stronger and better, but think about it: How many women try to change and improve their mates? It's probably over 90 percent. Now, how many men want to improve their wives? Strangely, very few men try to change their spouses. A man's attitude is apt to be, "She may be a little messed up, but she's what I've got." If a man criticizes his spouse it usually isn't to change her; it's to wound her.
Women, on the other hand, see their men's faults very clearly and resolve to clean them up. Even engaged women or newlyweds have a plan somewhere in the inner recesses of their mind to develop their men. In some ways, marriage for women is a giant improvement project. It's like urban redevelopment of a "blighted area"!
If a man's smart, he'll listen to any constructive criticism because it's likely to be correct and useful; our women are likely to see us more clearly than anyone else because they know us best. There's a bonus here as well: Truly listening to, and acting upon, a woman's criticism is the fastest way to get less of it and to become a better person, too.
The task for women is to give honest and helpful criticism, yet show unconditional love for their men. A woman must keep in mind that her husband isn't the source of all her problems or put on earth to make her feel whole. It's fine to constructively criticize, but never lose site of the fact that a man is much more likely to change if he feels loved and accepted.
