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Marriage Without Criticism
Straight Talk for Men and Women
By Marty Friedman, author of Straight Talk for Men About Marriage – What Men Need to Know About Marriage (And What Women Need to Know About Men)
When I was young back in Texas, I used to drive with my parents to visit my aunt and uncle. They had been married for many, many years, and like most members of the World War II generation, they stayed together through the years, regardless of endless conflict and unhappiness.
I watched dumfounded as my aunt leveled my uncle with withering sarcasm and criticism, enumerating his various inadequacies and failures. Amazingly, my uncle deflected her with a quiet "Now, Margaret" and went back to reading or tinkering with a project. It eventually dawned on me that their pattern was set: She criticized him and he tuned her out. Much of their time together had become ritualized and meaningless. It seemed strange to me then – and it seems strange to me now – that the people we love the most are also the ones we criticize and attack the most.
Criticism erodes the loving trust that keeps couples together. It wears us down and creates defensiveness and anger. It will arise in almost every relationship, and how you deal with it can make the difference between healthy relationships and troubled ones. Both men and women criticize their partners, but for different reasons.
