Single and Social

Navigating the Dating Trail
With Little Ones

By Lisa A. Goldstein

Dating can be difficult. Figuring out the protocol may feel even more overwhelming for a single mom with small children. She'd be wise to learn from Nicole Rodrigues' experience.

Rodrigues, who lives in San Ramon, Calif., is a single mom and the daughter of a four-time single mom (her mom's been married and divorced three times). Being on both ends has resulted in strong opinions on the issue, and a list of steps she has set up for herself before she introduces her preschool daughter to anyone.

"First and foremost, I need to make sure that there are true feelings for the other person," says Rodrigues. While there will always be guys that might be good relationship candidates, she needs to be genuinely excited about the guy she's dating in order to even think about moving forward with having him meet her little one. "I wouldn't want to waste her time on anyone I had questionable feelings for," she adds.

Second, if she really likes the guy, she introduces him to siblings and friends first.Because love is sometimes blind, and she can trust her good friends and siblings to give her an honest opinion, she tests the waters with them first. "If he doesn't impress or get along with the people closest to me first, why waste my daughter's time?" asks Rodrigues.

"Third, we have to be together for a long enough time for us to show each other the real sides of our personalities," says Rodrigues. "If you spend enough time with a person to see their good and bad sides in all different types of situations, you have a better idea as to who that person really is outside of the honeymoon stage of the relationship."

Last, if the person has been considerate of the fact that Rodrigues has certain criteria to be met before he meets her daughter and has also been patient without hounding her about it then it's time for them to be introduced. "At that point, both of us would know that I am taking the relationship seriously and adding a new element into my daughter's life that may be difficult for her," Rodrigues says. "Plus, when the time comes for him to meet her, I want it to be special for him, too."

Want to see more?

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• Going Solo: The Pursuit of Single Motherhood
• Working Single: How These Moms Cope With Minimal Help
• Talk about it!