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Boosting Self-Esteem

Raising Children Who Feel
Good about Themselves

By Laura Cone

Bruce remembers one child who came to her toddler program who was quiet and shy. Teachers speculated the child was having separation anxiety. Instead of asking the girl questions or pressing her to become involved in activities, Bruce suggested the staff make statements such as, "Oh, your shoes are shiny."

"She is a totally different child now," Bruce says. "We just accepted her for who she was and made her feel welcome, and it made all the difference in the world."

Bruce says parents may also help their toddlers by helping them develop their language skills. Keep eye contact with your toddler when you talk, she says. Slow down, and walk over to your toddler instead of talking to him or her from across the room.

"With toddlers, what happens [is that] they understand so much more than they are able to communicate," Bruce says. "The verbal language development does not keep track with their ability to keep track of what is happening in the world around them. They have not quite gotten there yet. Their thoughts are in their minds but they can't get [them] out."

Finally, Bruce says she finds children who have good self-esteem succeed in academics. "At the center as a whole, having children feel good about themselves is the most important piece of the center," she says. "A lot of parents ask, 'Are they going to learn their ABCs and 1-2-3s?' For us, we know from experience, if they feel good about themselves their mind is like a sponge."

Toddlers may not always be able to communicate how they feel, but most will pick up on the nuances of human interaction. Instead of criticizing your toddler, find ways for him to be successful. Give him boundaries and the space to feel good when he succeeds.

Want to see more?

• I Win!: Who Really Wins When You Let Your Kids Win?
• Corners and Swats or Praise and Pardons?: Discipline for Young Children
• Nickname Know-how: Can a Pet Name Affect Your Child's Self-esteem?
• Talk about it!

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