Happy Birthday Two You

Birthday Party Etiquette for Families With Multiples

By Jennifer Dawn Hans

Your twins race from the preschool carpool line in a flurry of excitement. One fishes a colorful birthday party invitation from the depths of his backpack, while the other shares the duo's amazing piece of news. "Jack invited us to his birthday party!"

After the excitement winds down, you begin to contemplate the proper way to handle duplicate invites. Are you expected to send two presents? (You are, of course, sending two party guests.) Or is it acceptable to send one gift, possibly something that costs a little more than you normally would spend, from both boys?

Birthday party etiquette for families with multiples can be tricky business, in more ways than one. What do you do, for example, when just one twin is invited to a friend's shindig? And when your kids are the guests of honor at their own birthday bash, who determines the party theme, and how do you handle the opening of gifts?

For families with multiples, it seems there are two general schools of thought in regard to gift giving. While some families with multiple-birth children simply send two gifts, others choose to purchase something that's a little nicer than the average present and present it as one gift from both children.

Jennifer Sheridan, a mother of fraternal girls in Northridge, Calif., says she usually opts to send two presents. "If I expect people to bring each of my twin girls a gift for their birthday, I shouldn't take the easy way out and only get one gift from both girls," Sheridan says. "Sometimes I will buy two things and make both items from both girls."

Julie Holliday, a mother of 3-year-old twins from Olathe, Kan., does the same thing, although she admits her daughters were a bit disappointed after a recent party when they received a combined thank you note. "My girls were upset because they both wanted the piece of mail to open," Holliday says. "They had each given a gift, so I felt they should have each been sent a thank you note."

Want to see more?

• Happy Birthdays: Creating Unique Celebrations for Your Twins
• Two Kids, One Day: When Twins Each Want to be Recognized Separately
• Thanks! Age-Appropriate Ideas for Thank You Notes
• Talk about it!