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Relationships that Work ... Together
Couples that Live and Work Side By Side
By Phyllis Edgerly Ring
During their work at an international boarding school in Canada, Jane and Dick Grover were each responsible for up to 30 teens as part of their dorm-parent duties. But, when Jane was promoted to dean of student affairs and suddenly became Dick's boss, the couple was confronted with one plaguing question: What are the best ways to balance living – and working – side by side?
"We were aware of each other's responsibilities, stresses and problems, and were committed to listen to and be supportive of each other," says Dick Grover. "I needed self-discipline and awareness of our roles so that I didn't put her in the position of having to support me against a co-worker. I also needed to understand that she would have confidential issues she couldn't share with me."
"We talked a lot about the similarities and differences between our relationship at work and away from work," says Jane Grover.
Respecting the needs of both roles – work and marriage – is key in making such situations work, says psychiatrist Doug Welpton of Chestnut Hill, Mass. Welpton conducts Working Relationships seminars designed to foster "conscious" marriages, with his wife, psychotherapist Mary Elizabeth Welpton. Couples today face increasingly complex challenges and often wish they could send more time together, the Welptons say. For those who share life at home and at work, creating a successful relationship is truly a "work in progress."
In the Grovers' case, there was added pressure: Their ability to stick to boundaries was observed daily by the future adults they served. "We were both aware that we had a big responsibility as role models to young people, and as models of a functioning marriage," says Jane Grover. "Respect, love and consultation over issues in private when necessary were some of the ways that we functioned."
