Single and Pregnant

Creating Your Own Birth Community

By Teri Brown

When most women imagine the perfect birth it generally consists of a devoted husband and doting family. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes the father isn't there. Sometimes families are geographically separated or simply don't want to be involved. Before becoming resigned to giving birth alone, however, know this: It doesn't have to be that way.

Creating a birthing community when you are all by yourself not only gives you a sense of support throughout the birthing process but also helps set you up for a successful parenting experience. Just because you feel alone doesn't mean you have to be.

Melody Cryns was a single mother when she gave birth to her now 11-year-old daughter Megan. Megan's father severed their relationship when Cryns was 6 months pregnant, leaving her with three older children from a previous marriage. With no family nearby, Cryns knew what it was like to feel alone, but she soon created a strong network of support.

"The people at work were wonderfully supportive," says Cryns. "They had an awesome baby shower for me because I had nothing for the baby. My older kids were already 11, 10 and 8, so I had long ago gotten rid of all the baby stuff."

To her surprise, Cryns also received a lot of support from the other parents at her children's Catholic school. She was originally a bit worried about their reactions and feared her children would be treated differently because of her single-pregnancy status, but her worries were unfounded.

"Parents and teachers constantly asked if our family needed anything," says Cryns. "I have never been very good at asking for help, even under those circumstances."

The school became a part of Cryns' birth community; they helped her with tuition and brought baskets of gifts for the family at Christmas, as well as soon after the baby was born.

Logistics are often the first thing a woman considers when faced with having a baby on her own. Who is going to help with birthing classes or drive you to the hospital? Who is going to take you and your new baby home? Who is going to be there to help out with the baby when you are totally exhausted?

These logistics seem like small details but can look like a mountain to the woman facing them alone. In addition, the weight of that constant responsibility can really wear you out just at a time when you need all of your energy and positive focus.

As you look down the road at pregnancy and single birthing, you will need to look at your priorities and decide what you need to keep in your life and what you need to let go of. You won't be able to keep up with everything you had going prior to becoming pregnant and having a child. Figure out a way to care for yourself so you will be in the best emotional and physical shape to meet the challenges that lie ahead. Once you have done that, it is time to consider how to build your birth community so that you can take care of all the little details that pregnancy and birth require.

Want to see more?

• Unassisted Birth: Is It for You?
• Kids in the Delivery Room
• A Partner in Birth: The Single Mother's Guide to Choosing a Birth Coach
• Talk about it!