Insisting on Solitude:

Making Time for YOU

By Shel Franco

Three days a week, Michelle Peterson loads up her son and heads for daycare. At first glance, nothing seems out of the ordinary. But, Peterson, of Leaf River, Ill., doesn't need daycare to earn a living. She doesn't necessarily use it to meet her son's intellectual and social needs. What Peterson hopes to gain by putting her son in daycare is a little bit of solitude.

It might seem odd to some, but a growing number of women are walking away from the idea that a good mother must joyfully meet her child's needs 24 hours a day. Instead, these women are recognizing their weaknesses and choosing to spend some time meeting their own needs.

And while this alone time gives women a chance to hone hidden talents and get a grip on their lives, it can have a debilitating side-effect -- guilt.

Linda Dupie, of Arlington, Va., finds her neighbor to be a tough act to follow. She's "the do-it-all mom down the street," Dupie says. The type of woman who bakes and sews costumes.

Dupie, on the other hand, is a born observer. While she readily reads and talks with her children, she finds it difficult to actively play with them. In order to satisfy her need for solitude, Dupie's children attend preschool three days a week.

Comparing herself to "the do-it-all mom down the street" is a sure fire recipe for guilt.

The "warnings" are all around us -- "No television before 2 years of age." "Daycare will help raise unattached and insecure children." "Mothers must put their children first."

It's hard to ignore all the banter. And somewhere in all the noise, people are losing perspective.

"I worry that I am using the TV as a baby-sitter when I just need time alone," says Carol Miller, of Clermont, N.J. "I worry that [my daughter] will have more fun at preschool than she does at home with me."

Want to see more?

• Daycare Dilemmas of Stay-at-Home Moms
• To Work or Not to Work:The Mother's Dilemma
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