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Better in Bed
How Self Image Affects Sex Life
By Teri Brown
When Kelly* was first married she was a bit self-conscious about the size of her breasts, but she didn't let it interfere too much with her enjoyment of sex.
"I didn't like my husband messing with my breasts," says Kelly, mother of four from Irmo, S.C. "But I had a great body – slim, muscular and toned – so I didn't mind being in something sexy, as long as it didn't show too much chest. I guess that's what I didn't want: the lingerie to reveal how much I lacked."
But after Kelly had surgery to enlarge her breasts, all self-consciousness disappeared and her sex life became even more enjoyable.
"I finally had breasts to go with the rest of my body," Kelly says. "We began having wild sex and experimenting with different things like sex toys and role-playing – all with the lights on! A huge difference from before!"
However, Kelly left her job two years ago to launch a full-time writing career and recently gained 40 pounds. "Now, it seems I am so embarrassed about my weight that the sex exploring has stopped," Kelly says. "In fact, I hate the way I look, and it's back to lights out!"
Kelly isn't alone. Women, in general, have a hard time enjoying sex when they have a poor body image of themselves. Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., certified sex therapist and author of Sex Smart: How Your Childhood Shaped Your Sexual Life and What to Do About It (New Harbinger, 1998), believes that body image is a profound mediator of women's sexual experiences.
"Women are much more distractible than men are," Zoldbrod says. "When women don't feel good about their bodies, they cannot focus enough on being touched and the sensation of pleasure to stay aroused and have an orgasm. Women and men are quite different in this way. Once aroused, men have what is called 'the point of ejaculatory inevitability'. Plus, most studies show that even when they are overweight or out of shape, men blithely go on their way, feeling sexy and studly!"
