Giving Too Much

How to Say "No" Guilt Free!

By Mary Dixon Lebeau

Although she didn't realize it, the signs were evident. April Devon couldn't say no even though her life was on overload.

"I was very involved in church projects," says Devon, mother of two from Kennewick, Wash. "I teach the Sunday school kids' class, do sign language for the music, publish the church bulletin every week and for the holidays, I also direct the children's play. I also coach a youth dance team and help plan the church's social functions."

And if that weren't enough, Devon works from home and still finds time to keep house. "I guess I realized there may be a problem around the holidays," she says. "I had all my regular activities, plus the holiday baking and, since money was tight, I was making our Christmas gifts."

In the middle of all this holiday chaos, Devon's phone rang. "I get a call from my son's school PTA," she recalls. "They were planning a teacher appreciation luncheon the next day, and they desperately needed cookies."

Despite the fact that Devon was physically and emotionally spent, she agreed to help. The motivating factor behind this agreement wasn't her appreciation of teachers or the need to do something for the PTA in her "spare time." Instead, it was guilt, and the feeling that saying no to a request is a sign of weakness. "I baked the cookies all night and finished the other projects, too, but I didn't sleep at all," she says. "The next day I was a real grouch, and I realized it. It was another reason to feel guilty."

Devon's story isn't unique. In fact, most women have a similar one. We are guilty of doing too much, helping too much and giving too much and then we're guilty because, no matter how much, it never feels like enough.

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