Emotional Workouts for a Happier Marriage

By Lisa Marie Metzler

The courtship was exhilarating. The honeymoon was hot. But now you have children, a mortgage, time-consuming jobs and carpools that add stress to your marriage.

Singer Roberta Flack wasn't kidding when she said, "Getting married is easy. Staying married is more difficult. Staying happily married for a lifetime should rank among the fine arts."

Staying connected and making time for each other is essential to maintaining a healthy and happy marriage. Instead of growing closer, couples tend to drift apart and communication breaks down. If problems aren't addressed, even the best marriages begin to decay.

Fortunately, keeping your marriage on track isn't as difficult as it sounds. You don't need a series of intense marriage therapy weekends or even that three-week vacation without the kids you've always dreamed about. What you do need, however, are the myriad emotional connections that form every day when thoughtful communication takes place even if it's only in between changing a baby's diapers or shuttling a toddler to preschool.

Simply learning to listen to each other can put couples on the right path for a happy marriage, says Dr. Paul Kaschel of Forest Lakes Counseling in Traverse City, Mich. Communication problems plague the majority of couples who come to his office seeking help, he adds.

Communication is all in the "how." When two people are talking and no one is listening, conversations only end in frustration. Instead of mentally preparing a rebuttal as a spouse is talking, focus on simply listening. Often, just being heard can diffuse an impending disagreement.

Saying "I love you" can be done in many ways: Taking out the trash, giving your partner a back rub or planning a date night are all ways of saying how much you care.

In his best-selling book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

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